


(Bring Me) Past the Gloom

by Zinzanzelf



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Belonging, Cafe Leblanc (Persona 5), Chasing away doubts and fears, Comfort, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Even the gentleman in red makes an appearance...run for your lives, Expansion on Makoto's fear of the dark, F/M, Firefly References, From Summer to Fall, Gintama reference, Hamlet trivia of all things, Inokashira Park, Inspired by Mementos skits, JKQN, Japan loves Stand By Me, Leblanc Attic, Mementos (Persona 5), Ogikubo Ramen, Persona 5 is chock full of idioms - always fun to translate, Persona 5 small in-game details, Quiet introspection, Shujin Academy, Student Council Room F3, Taking liberties with status ailments, Talking About the Past, Weaving Shumako into the P5 Canon, Yoshida cameo. Old Man Tora for life!, lost in thought, quiet romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-01-25 20:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18581908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinzanzelf/pseuds/Zinzanzelf
Summary: Makoto is shaken to her core when the agonized cries of defeated Shadows dredge up traumatic memories of her past. The ground in Mementos crumbles beneath her feet and Joker dives in after her. Ren and Makoto's escape from the depths of Mementos is only the start of them becoming closer...





	1. If I Lose You...

**Author's Note:**

> Started in writing October, posted on fanfiction.net in December and finished in March, and now finally, after receiving my AO3 invitation, this story will be posted here.  
> How time flies!
> 
> I really like this notes feature and formatting tools AO3 offers.
> 
> 鉄拳制裁! Tekken seisai!
> 
> ショータイムタイムだ! It's show time!
> 
> Okay, let's do this!

 

The chambers of Mementos echoed with sound of Heavy Pound brass knuckles finding their target and striking true. Queen successfully landed three critical hits on a Bugbear, transforming it back to a Shadow of a defeated lovesick schoolgirl. After the lovesick schoolgirl thanked the Phantom Thieves and vowed to change her cyberstalking ways, she dispersed into light leaving behind a floating, luminous capsule. Joker snatched it up and swiveled towards his teammates.

“Nice work everyone.”

“Another case solved. What’s next? Do we keep exploring?" asked Queen.

Joker ran through their inventory and scanned the party’s overall status and energy levels.

“Let’s head back to the entrance. We’ll come back another time once we’ve healed up and restocked our supplies.”

The Phantom Thieves agreed and left through a glaring red portal. Just then, a tremor shook the floor of Mementos causing the tunnel lights to flicker. The train tracks rattled and groaned.

“What was that?” asked Panther, trying not to sound panicked.

“It’s the same feeling when a Palace is about to collapse.” Fox noted.

“But the wreckage just happens in _**Palaces**_ after we steal the treasure, don’t it?” asked Skull, scrunching his eyebrows.

“I’d rather not stick around to find out. Everyone, run!” Joker dashed forward but skidded to a halt just as two Shadows contorted and burst into four Lamias, circling them.

“We’re surrounded!” Mona groaned.

“We don’t have time for this! Charge, Johanna!” Queen rammed her motorcycle into all four Lamias who crumbled and dissolved upon impact.

“Thanks, Queen!” called Panther, sprinting up the path.

“Mona!” yelled Skull. “Hurry up and turn into a car!!”

More Shadows spawned and morphed into three inky blobs, blocking Joker and Fox’s path. Stagnant Air emitted from their pores.

Fox kicked off the wall and somersaulted over them. The amorphous piles of living sludge slithered towards Joker, spewing acid, forcing him to spring back a few paces. With the Lamias decimated, Queen charged to his side, steeling herself for battle.

“Joker! Queen!” Fox unsheathed his katana and was about to rush back when the floor shook again and a rock narrowly missed his head.

Joker drew his dagger and slashed at them, trying not to inhale the toxic fumes. “Get out of here!”

Right as the Black Ooze released another round of Stagnant Air, Queen drove Johanna between it and Joker.

“Vajra Blast!” All three fizzled on impact, their garbled cries grated Queen’s ears.

Joker gave her a curt nod in thanks and raced towards the platform.

Queen attempted to follow suit but a Bringer of Misfortune impeded her. She clicked her tongue. “They’re so persistent!”

It taunted her and she unleashed a nuclear spell. It dissipated with a screech that sounded ominously familiar.

_“Stop! You can’t!”_

Queen was startled. Was it just a coincidence?

 _“No, have mercy!”_ begged the voice of a man filled with compassion.

“He didn’t say that.” she said in a strained whisper. Her head swam. She clenched her teeth. “He never begged for his life.” _No, it’s just an illusion. A nightmare. You swore you wouldn’t be afraid of it anymore. Fight it. Just like you did before_.  

Queen saw her teammates surmount a nearby platform. Fox teetered as the ground quaked beneath them. Skull and Panther each grabbed one of his wrists and pulled him up. Joker spotted a Pisaca lumbering towards them. Before it had a chance to release its Dream Needles, Joker fired a shot straight down its gaping maw. With a shrill wail it crashed forward, a lifeless corpse once again that faded into black particles. “Go!” she heard him yell.

She charged forward. Without warning, an Ascended Feline swooped down and swiped at her with deadly claws. She evaded the attack but the hind claws of the Feline nicked her shoulder. Queen doubled back and slammed into it.

“ _Father!!_ ” shrieked the voice of a terrified girl. The same shriek made by a terrified teenager, that jolted her awake from repeating nightmares surrounding her father’s murder. Queen faltered.

“Stop it…” she cried weakly. Johanna vanished. Pipes snapped and burst as the ground shook violently beneath her. _I need to run. I need to run. I need to run!_ But her body refused to respond. Her legs were like lead weights. All she could do was watch the ground splinter around her feet.

Joker looked back and saw she was lagging behind. “Queen!”

Then the ground split and caved in. Queen plummeted into the void.

Joker dived in after her.

Amid the roar of crumbling debris and stones breaking, she heard a voice calling:

“ ** _MAKOTO!!_ **”

Two arms caught her and wrapped around her protectively, shielding her head. Then darkness overtook her and she knew no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -Chapter 1 is probably the shortest and most succinct chapter. 
> 
> \- Cover pic is from POIMX’s twitter, retweeted from Denkichi/4410yosiro. I really like the quiet, mature romance portrayed by the artist.
> 
> -https://twitter.com/4410yosiro/status/916512562484670465
> 
> -The story begins sometime in summer, after 7/10 as indicated by the Lovesick Cyberstalking Girl Mementos request.


	2. I’ll Get You Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Mitsuru Kirijo!
> 
> One more day before "more information" for P5R~

Queen opened her eyes. Darkness. 

She closed them. Darkness.

It didn’t matter whether her eyes were open or not, everything was pitch black.

_Don’t panic, I’m sure my eyes will adjust soon. Let’s assess the situation. I fell down a chasm and I must have hit my head when I landed but I don’t seem to be in any pain. Or rather, I’ve just come to, so my body’s regaining its senses. How long have I been unconscious? Where am I exactly? Is my body in any condition to move? Is everyone else safe? And why do I feel so warm?_

Then she realized she was resting her head on something soft and there were two arms around her securely and she was very comfortable.

“Makoto?” came Joker’s voice from just above her forehead.

“Jo- Ren??” She started slightly and felt her cheeks redden, thankful that it was dark. “Did anyone else fall down here?”

“I don’t think so. I think Skull and the rest made it out.”

Queen sighed in relief. “That’s good.” _But Ren he...came after me._ She blinked.

“How- how long have we been down here?”

“About fifteen minutes maybe.”

“Have you been holding me this whole time?”

“I, uh...” he stammered.

She clambered off him. “I’m sorry. Your legs must be cramped from sitting like that for so long.”

“N-no, I’m fine. What about you?”

“I-I’m alright. More importantly if any Shadows attack us, we’ll need to be ready.” She wobbled trying to regain her bearings (and her composure).

“Hey,” he caught her elbow and winced. “Just take it easy. I haven’t seen one Shadow pass by since we landed here. Probably because we’ve been keeping quiet but then again, I haven’t sensed anything moving at all.”

He lifted his mask and rubbed his eyes. “Though, I can barely see ahead in this darkness.”

“Me neither. It seems darker than usual down here. And it’s so quiet it’s unsettling. We’ll have to keep our guard up.” She shivered. “Let’s get out of here. Do you think we can come back up the way we fell?”

Queen used her phone flashlight to look at the hole they fell through which had collapsed in on itself. Dust continued to seep down from the cracks. She shook the dust from her head and inspected her body for injuries. Aside from a few minor scrapes and abrasions on her limbs, nothing was broken. And Joker?

Joker looked up while rubbing his wrist. “Doesn’t look like it. We’ll just have to find the stairs. No matter how far down we are in Mementos there should be stairs leading to the surface. Ready?”

 _He’s in this mess because of me. I have to get us out of here._ ”Yes. Which direction do you think should we head in?”

“Hmm...” Joker lifted his head and inhaled. “That way,” he pointed.

“That way?” asked Queen following his hand.

“Yeah, it’s like a wise old man said, ‘if in doubt, always follow your nose’. And he was in a situation similar to ours. Caved in and underground.”

He started walking. Queen switched off the flashlight to conserve battery and followed him.

“Wasn’t that because they got attacked by the pond squid which forced them into the mines?”

Joker chuckled. “Pond squid?”

She snickered. “Sorry, that’s how my friends referred to it to not make it seem as scary.”

“I don’t think I can watch that scene the same way anymore.”

 ***

They continued their trek with sparse conversation, keeping their ears pressed for approaching Shadows, or the subway rumbling across metal rails, or even the wind that howled incessantly through the subway tunnels. Queen watched him methodically scour his surroundings as he walked. His stride was confident even as they were lost in an unpredictable and dangerous place. She was glad he was with her but at the same time, she found herself wishing she had fell in by herself. _And he took the brunt of the damage when we fell._ Her feet dragged.

Joker heard her footfalls grow distant. He turned and went over to her. “Queen, stay close.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you alright? If I’m going too fast, tell me. We can slow down a little.”

“I’m sorry.” she repeated.

“Why are you apologizing?” he asked gently.

She bowed her head, heavy with guilt. “You’re injured because you protected me. And now we’re lost down here and we’re in this dangerous situation and we’ll be at a severe disadvantage if we’re attacked-”

He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Calm down. It’s not your fault. You took down those Shadows on your own so the rest of us could escape.” He frowned slightly. “Actually, I should be the one apologizing. I should have made sure you were right behind me before you got overwhelmed.”

Queen only shook her head. Joker continued to talk but his voice grew fainter and fainter as the encroaching gloom and the ominous screams from before assaulted her mind. The memories she had tried to suppress flashed by at a rapid rate. _A dark hallway. Thunder. Grim faces. Blinding floodlights. Screeching tires._ Her mind was growing hazy and she wished she could just melt into the floor and not think anymore. Ah, why did darkness make it that much easier to imagine your fears?

“Queen, stay with me! _Queen!_ ” He gave her shoulders a firm shake. When she didn’t respond, he exhaled slowly and tried again.

“Makoto.” The way he called her name was like an arrow of light that pierced through the shadows of her mind, guiding her back.

She lifted her head and met his gaze in the dim light. “Ren…” She sounded so lost, so disoriented.

“What happened back there?” Concern lined his voice. “You just...froze. Like you did just now.”

“I just...when all those Shadows kept attacking, it felt like my strength was being sapped away. Then everything went hazy and I couldn’t move...it’s like you said. I was overwhelmed. By them. By this darkness.” She decided to omit the part where the Shadows’ cries overlapped with certain traumatic memories. _That’s my problem I must face._

Her countenance fell. “We’re trapped in an endless maze without our navigator and no way of communicating with our teammates. What if we never find the exit…”

“Listen, we can’t afford to think like that right now.” he said patiently. “Sure we’re not in the best condition to fight, but we’re alert and awake and we can both still move.”

He gripped her shoulders, resolute. “We’re going to find our way out of here and I need your help to do that. I don’t plan on staying stuck down here only to wind up as Shadow chow, do you? Or think of something you’d rather be doing, something that you need to take care of.”

He thought of books he needed to finish, the fishing spot he and Ryuji planned to visit, the upcoming Yakuza movie.

She made a fist. “Yes, you’re right. You’re absolutely right, Joker.” He nodded encouragingly. “My studies would be impacted if I missed the release date for the new study guides.”

He was thrown. His encouraging smile from a few moments ago stayed plastered on his face. His words came out stilted. “That- that would be bad.” Then a guffaw escaped from his lips.

“You’re amazing, Queen. Thinking about studying at a time like this.” He laughed again and squeezed her shoulders. Queen smiled in spite of herself. She put her hands on her hips. “Just because we’re Phantom Thieves, doesn’t mean we can slack off in our studies.”

“Right. And we’re gonna see them again. What in the chances of us finding them before they find us?”

“That’d be the best case given everyone’s low energy levels. They’re probably worried sick. Let’s keep going.” She watched Joker sweep their surroundings again. “Still, I’m surprised you can move so well in this darkness.”

“Ah, about that. I can sense where I’m going. It’s not sight per se, it’s more of a sixth sense.”

“Is that how you’re able to find hidden clues and objects in Palaces?”

“Basically, yeah. And now you know one of my secrets.” He raised an index finger and winked but his eyes were obscured by his mask in the underground murkiness, so she missed it. “I’ll keep watch for the both of us. So stay close to me, Queen. I don’t want to lose you.”

They crawled through a square drain and emerged from a metal grate finding themselves in an open area, cast in pale green lighting, strangely devoid of Shadows. The tiled walls looked old and decrepit. Sections of the walls had many missing tiles exposing the plasterboard beneath it. The wind howled carrying scraps of paper and other debris with it.

“Joker, does the wind ever sound like people’s voices to you?” she asked quietly.

He swerved his head towards the direction the wind was blowing. “What does it sound like they’re saying?”

“Sometimes it sounds like they’re moaning in pain. Or begging for release.” She paused. “Are these…the voices of people’s Shadows?”

“We can think about that later. Let’s hurry. We’ve been on this floor long enough.”

“Right.” She clutched her chest. _I’m probably just overthinking things._

They approached the entrance to another tunnel. Queen’s eyes roved about the passageway. A chill went down her spine. From far away she thought she heard a grinding sound. Like something was scrapping, no, like _someone_ was dragging something hard and metallic on the floor. And though the sound was distant, she felt like it would catch up to them any minute. Dread filled her, twisting her insides, numbing her mind. Her hair stood on end and she broke into a cold sweat. _It’s coming._

“Hey, do you hear something?” she asked hoping she was just imagining it.

He frowned, scanning the area. “I don’t sense anything...”

She hesitated before speaking. “I thought I heard...chains.”

Joker stood stock-still. They both knew what that meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -If there’s an opportunity to make a Lord of the Rings reference, I will. I reread sections of The Passing of the Grey Company in which Aragorn and co. enter the Haunted Mountain, and Riddles in the Dark in which Bilbo attempts to navigate in complete darkness to draw inspiration for writing the pitch-black part of Mementos and the shadow of fear that passes over Makoto.
> 
> -[DM of the Rings](https://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=1231) never fails to make me laugh. “This coming from the guy who gave us the pond squid” “It was called A Watcher!” “A blind underwater creature called ‘A Watcher’? Whoever wrote this story has no imagination at all!”


	3. I Will Never Leave You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *stares at the titles of the first 3 chapters* 
> 
> Why yes, I’ve been listening to [Kimi no Kioku (Memories of You)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHdOXCoja-c) on repeat, why do you ask?
> 
> [Run! Run! Run!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bK7bNIqTqQ4) Reaper approaching! *Cue Shadow of the Colossus ["Counterattack"](https://youtu.be/pmoYLtObCtY?t=36m32s)*

Joker thought fast. He didn’t want to her to waste SP but if they encountered _that_ , it would be the worst case scenario. They couldn’t take any more risks.

Joker gritted his teeth. “Queen.” he prompted.

“On it. Johanna.” Johanna materialized and Joker climbed on.

Queen tried to temper her breathing as adrenaline spiked through her system. Her heartbeat pounded erratically in her eardrums. Her only thought was to escape the Reaper. The sound of creaking chains grew louder. _It’s right behind us._ Panic begin to claw its way through her mind but Joker put a steady hand on her shoulder and in a clear voice said, “Head that way and veer right.”

She exhaled sharply and gripped the handlebars. “Hold on tight. We’re going full speed.”

They sped through a narrow tunnel that opened up to a corridor. Joker’s arms tightened around her torso as they accelerated through the bend in the tunnel.

“There! Stairs!” he shouted.

They dismounted and raced up the stairway. Joker’s long legs bounded up the stairs three at a time. Out of her periphery, Queen thought she saw the outline of a menacing figure shrouded in blood-stained sackcloth. She didn’t dare look back. Her throat ached, her muscles burned, her body screamed to stop but Queen pushed forward, focusing her energy on keeping up with Joker. Right when she thought her legs would give out, Joker grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his pace.

When they reached the top of the stairs they collapsed on the ground, catching their breath.

“You alright?” he panted.

“Some-somehow.” she replied, winded.

Joker handed her a bottle of Arginade. She accepted it gratefully.

“Sorry, it’s all I have on me now.”

Joker plopped next to her and stretched out his legs, surveying the area. “Still no signs of Shadows. Although, this floor looks more familiar what with the dim lights overhead, angry red webbing on the walls, and I think I hear a train.”

Queen looked at the half-finished bottle then at Joker and realized - “Joker, you should have some too.” She held out the Arginade to him.

He smiled and shook his head. “Drink the rest, you need it more than me.”

“But-”

“I’m not saying it to be nice. We might need your Persona again.”

She furrowed her brow. _He’s right, we’re in no condition to fight but still._ “Just take a sip then. You need to stay hydrated too. I can call on Johanna at least one more time, I promise.”

His fingers closed around the bottom of the bottle. “Just a sip.” he echoed.

Queen watched him pause as he examined the rim. “Don’t worry. I’m not sick or anything.”

His eyes snapped over to her and he smiled wryly. “Right.” He touched the bottle to his lips and scanned the sector again.

“I wonder if there’s more than one Reaper. Or does it teleport above and below if it detects intruders?”

“I don’t even want to think about that.” Queen shuddered and hugged her sides.

He handed the bottle back. “Maybe I’ll ask Morgana later.” he mused to himself.

After finishing the Arginade with Queen insisting that Joker drink the remainder and him complying, they pressed on, sticking close to the walls, blending in with the shadows, sneaking past the occasional Shadow plodding by. It was slow progress but they managed to ascend another level without attracting any enemies. Queen trudged on, her endurance waned with each step she took. Even Joker was slowing down, his breathing becoming increasingly labored, though he was trying his best not to show it.

Queen feared what would happen if someone were trapped in Mementos forever. What would they become? Would they lose all sense of self? Would they eventually be consumed by other Shadows?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a purring engine. She looked up and saw a pair of familiar headlights. Joker gave a shout of joy and waved.

“Joker! Queen! Thank goodness!” Panther jumped out of the Monamobile and rushed towards them. Joker and Queen smiled in relief at the sight of their teammates.

“Are you two hurt?” Panther looked anxiously back and forth between the two.

“I’m fine for the most part but Joker-”

“As you can see, we’re none the worse.” Joker spread his hands wide theatrically, with the air and showmanship of an accomplished escape artist. “Aside from a few bruises and sore feet from all the running we did.”

Panther smiled and put a hand on her hip. “You’re able to bounce back from just about anything, aren’t you?” She motioned to Skull and Fox. “They’re okay!”

Queen furtively caught his eye. He subtly shook his head.

“I thought you guys made it out safely. How’d you find us?” asked Joker.

Skull raised a hand. “I take full responsibility, Leader. We made it to the entrance but when we realized you guys didn’t make it, I said we had to go back. But Panther here thought you guys already exited to the real world.”

“I was trying to be _optimistic_ , Skull. Fortunately, Mona could sense that you two were still somewhere in Mementos.”

Mona preened. “That’s right! It was thanks to _my_ navigation sensory skills that we were able to locate you so quickly.”

Skull raised both hands, entreating, “I know we were low on supplies and health and everything but-”

“We simply could not abandon our teammates.” Fox cut in.

“Won’t happen again.” said Skull giving Joker a thumbs-up.

Joker grinned at both of them. “Good. And thank you. I’m grateful. Now let’s get out of here.” He jogged over to the driver’s side but Queen came from the opposite side, clutching the door handle. “I can drive. You rest.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and regarded her for a moment. “Alright.”

“If you’d like,” called Fox from the backseat, “I could-”

“No.” said all four Phantom Thieves in unison. “We’re good.” beeped Mona.

“Yeah, maybe when we wanna get someplace next century.” Skull deadpanned.

“How rude. Just because I adhere to the speed limit.” sniffed Fox. “Safety is the number one priority when it comes to driving - just ask anyone testing for their driver’s license.”

“What Skull means is, we’re kind of in a hurry and if we hang around here any longer we’ll be surrounded by Shadows. I’m sure we all want to get home ASAP, right?” offered Panther. “But Queen, are you sure you’re fine with driving?”

“Don’t worry, Panther, I wouldn’t do it otherwise. Buckle up, everyone. Fox, we’ll let you drive another time.” Queen started the engine.

“I’ll manage the speed. You just steer.” puffed Mona.

“I’m just so glad we found you. Are you guys thirsty? I think we have some mineral water in the trunk...” Panther rummaged through the back of the bus.

“I’ve plenty of tap water! And if you are hungry, I have some Jagariko to spare as well.” said Fox, holding up a half eaten box towards Queen.

“Thank you, Fox, but I’m more thirsty than hungry.” Panther climbed over the passenger seat and handed a bottle of mineral water to both Joker and Queen. “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” She twisted the cap off and took a quick drink.

He swung the box towards Joker.

Joker held up a hand. “All yours.” Fox tilted his head as if questioning how they could resist such a delectable treat.

“Suit yourself,” he shrugged and munched down the rest.

Queen glanced at Joker through the rearview mirror. He was chatting with Skull about their near run-in with the Reaper, supporting his wrist. Her eyes narrowed. Joker’s eyes flickered in her direction and she quickly turned her attention back on the road. She was exhausted and was glad that Mona was doing most of the driving. They exited Mementos without any difficulties.

It was late when they emerged from the stuffy subway entrance. The group was happy they avoided the midday heat wave. Ryuji suggested they all get something to eat. Morgana perked up at this suggestion but Yusuke lamented he had to catch the train and that he didn’t have the funds for such a luxury. Ann was set on getting home and taking a nice long shower and relaxing. Makoto thought it would be best if everyone rested up though she wanted to speak with Ren who was busy texting on his phone and seemed to be in a hurry. Ren instructed everyone to meet up in a few days before rushing off with Morgana in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -I originally wrote chapters 2 and 3 as one big chapter. I decided to split it so I could focus on Makoto’s fear in chapter 2 and Joker and Queen’s great escape and reunion in chapter 3.
> 
> -I wish Atlus gave all their protagonists a default name so if the player was too lazy to make up a name, they could just use that. Then we wouldn’t have this manga vs. anime debate, like they did for P2’s Tatsuya and Maya.
> 
> -As for Akira or Ren, I think both names suit P5’s protagonist. I think people prefer “Akira Kurusu” because of the hard consonants and therefore makes his name sound more assertive, thus "cool". Whereas “Ren Amamiya” which is comprised of soft consonants, sounds meek.  
> Also because us English speakers inadvertently associate “Amamiya” with a certain Italian phrase used to express surprise…
> 
> -Really now, saying “Amamiya” is a stupid-sounding name? To borrow from Sadao Maou, “APOLOGIZE TO ALL THE AMAMIYA’S ACROSS THE NATION!”
> 
> -I saw the kanji for “Amamiya, Ren” first and thought it was quite poetic. “Rain Palace/Shrine, Lotus”. 
> 
> -Via SMT wiki: “The double meaning here is that not only is he the leader of the Phantom Thieves come to rain on the palace, but the lotus in Buddhist teachings is symbolic of purity and cleansing.”
> 
> -What name would I give the P5 Protagonist? Akito Wataru (橋, 秋人)
> 
> -Doesn’t the protagonist look like an “Akito”...?  
> Sure author, about as much as he looks like an “Akira” or “Ren” or what have you.
> 
> -Anyway! The kanji for Akito is comprised of “autumn” and “person”. Autumn signifying the season when Persona 5 came out which I’d like to imagine as the protagonist’s birthday (September 15, 2016). Wataru can also be read as “hashi” which means “bridge”, symbolizing the way the protagonist reaches out and bonds with his confidants, the outcasts of society, over the course of the game.


	4. Through the Calm and Through the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite P5A being a slipshod, third rate production, with clunky animation and off model characters every episode, it did allow the seiyuu (voice actors) another opportunity to express themselves more. What I noticed while watching was Persona 5 uses a lot of idioms. I hear the dialogue, read the subs, and I’ll go, that’s not what they said. At least literally. Then I go look it up and a-ha! Idiom!

Makoto’s phone beeped three notes. Text message.

> _R. Amamiya: So. Study session today?_  
>  _M. Niijima: Hey. How unusual for you to be texting me about studying. I’m usually the one who has to keep tabs on you._  
>  _R. Amamiya: I thought I’d show a little more initiation on my part. ;)_  
>  _M. Niijima: I’m glad to see you’re taking your studies seriously._  
>  _R. Amamiya: Does the diligent Student Council President have time to spare or is she wrapped up in student council related activities?_  
>  _M. Niijima: Hmm, let me check with my secretary…_
> 
> _..._
> 
> _You’re in luck! I suppose I could pencil you in for an hour._
> 
> _R. Amamiya: Or two? I’ll throw in a Moist Katsu Bun, fresh from the bakery and the comfiest booth seat Leblanc has to offer._  
>  _M. Niijima: How enticing! Just for the bun, I’ll stay another hour. :)_
> 
> _Kidding! I’ll be glad to help out for as long as necessary. I just need to make a quick call to our Student Body Reporters and make sure they know about upcoming fundraisers and service projects._
> 
> ...  
>  _R. Amamiya: So reliable. I’ll be in your care, Makoto._  
>  _M. Niijima: A Moist Katsu Bun sounds interesting. I’ll keep an eye out for it if I ever make a trip to the bakery._  
>  _What is it you need help with?_  
>  _R. Amamiya: Currently in the middle of fixing my notes. Mr. Ushimaru goes through the slides so fast, my handwriting’s near illegible._  
>  _M. Niijima: And so, in addition to helping you with studying, you’re requesting me to be your scribe for the afternoon?_  
>  _R. Amamiya: I’d ask Morgana but he has trouble holding a pencil._

The image of a cat scribbling with a pencil made her chortle. She scrolled down to the next part of the text.

> _I’d finish these notes on my own, but my wrist kinda hurts...I could use a little help._

Makoto felt a pang of guilt. If she hadn’t fallen in the first place, if she had fallen by herself, if Joker didn’t fall with her then he wouldn’t have been incapacitated.

> _M. Niijima: I’ll be right over._

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Makoto arrived at Leblanc, brown handbag stuffed with an assortment of study materials. She smoothed her hair, then her white tunic, and opened the door. Ren was sitting in one of the booths, painstakingly copying logarithmic functions from one of his textbooks, mouth pressed together in a thin line. Upon hearing Leblanc’s shopkeepers bell ring, he looked up and rose in greeting.

“Glad you could make it.”

“Sorry, I’m late.”

He glanced at his wristwatch. “You’re fine. Thanks for coming on such short notice.”

She shifted her feet. “I mean, your wrist is injured. It’s the least I could do. How is it by the way?”

“I’m managing. I just finished my pre-calc homework and now it’s a little sore from all the writing I did.” He sat back down and shoved aside what appeared to be an ice pack wrapped in a towel.

“What are you working on now?” she asked as she took a seat across from him.

“Classic literature. I’m having trouble understanding the passage.”

Ren held out an open book towards her and tapped the middle of the page. “This is what we’re reading.” Makoto skimmed the story and nodded, recalling her knowledge of the literature curriculum for second year students.

“See how the soldier denounces the daimyo as a _'narikin'_? He’s saying the daimyo is ostentatiously flaunting his recently acquired wealth at the expense of his subordinates. He’s an upstart, a new rich. The French equivalent of the term I believe is, _‘Nouveau Riche’_ \--- What?”

Ren’s expression was a mix of admiration and mirth. He chuckled warmly. “That’s what you called Kaneshiro when you awakened right?”

Bashfully, she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I did, didn’t I?”

He chuckled the same warm chuckle. “I’m gonna use that to help me remember this passage for the test.”

“Please don’t.” she sighed. She completed writing a list of key Kanji terms. Ren kept smiling at her. Makoto cleared her throat.

“Incidentally, in Shogi, ' _narikin’_ is when a piece is promoted to gold general.”

 

_Shogi, huh? Speaking of, I should probably brush up on some strategies...maybe next Sunday._

 

“You really know everything, huh, Makoto?” said Ren, resting his cheekbone on the back of his knuckles.

She shrugged. “I don’t know everything. I just know what I know. It’s mostly knowledge gained from books.” She copied a section from the text. “There’s still so much that I need to learn. That I want to learn.”

“Is there a subject in particular that you want to know more about?”

She had half a mind to say _‘you’_ but instead she said, “Actually, I want to learn more about cognitive psience, the field Futaba’s mother was researching. Book Town in Jinbocho may have some old journals that mention it. I thought it was something we could do while we wait for Futaba to recover. Maybe even solve the mystery of the Metaverse while we’re at it.”

“Why don’t we go together then?” He glanced out the window while rolling up the sleeves of his white button-up. “But maybe on a day with clear weather. Looks like it’s about to rain.”

_Pit-pat, pit-pat_

Rain drummed on the roof and streaked across the windows. Raindrops splattered on the pavement, forming circles the size of 500 Yen coins which became rivulets that streamed through the streets and out the culverts.

“Like clockwork.” he said wryly.

Makoto looked worriedly out the window. _I should’ve checked the weather before I left the house. Sis would’ve reprimanded me for rushing out the door and not being prepared. Hopefully the rain will let up after we’ve finished our study session._

“Makoto, is everything alright?”

“Yes, sorry,” she indicated at the notes. “Where were we?”

“Book Town?” There was a glimmer of mischief in his eye.

She couldn’t help but smirk in reply. “We can talk about that later. Let’s focus on getting this done, shall we?”

Makoto neatly copied the notes Ren took in class. His handwriting was shaky at some parts but by and large, she had no problems interpreting his handwriting. Once Makoto finished they moved onto the next literary text.

“This idiom literally means ‘to pull the hairs on one's back’ which is used when-”

Thunder rolled overhead, rattling the windows which made Makoto flinch. She looked over at Ren who was observing her intently. She shook her head and recollected her thoughts. _It’s okay. This is different from that night. I’m not fourteen years old anymore. I can handle this._ “Right. So as I was saying...”

Thunder crashed, lightning flashed, and this time the lights went out.

***

_The wind howled and beat against the window panes. Makoto crept down the dark corridor, one hand on the wall, the other gripping her nightgown. She tried running towards the door at the end of the hallway but no matter how fast she ran, she could not reach the exit. The hallway warped and spiraled before her eyes..._

**_Stop. Why now?_ **

_She was standing barefoot on black asphalt, petrified by the frigid night. In front of her, kneeled an officer, backlit by approaching headlights. She sank to her knees and screamed an airless scream._

**_NO! Snap out of it!_ **

 

Makoto was curled up in a ball, eyes squeezed shut, trying to calm herself.

“Makoto?” came Ren’s voice from across the table.

“I-I’m okay. Just g-give me a minute...” she stuttered. She rocked back and forth. _Calm down. Calm down already! You’re supposed to be helping him! Pull yourself together!!_

“Makoto, here,” he gently touched her forearm. “Come here.”

_Two burly hands reached out towards her. “Good, the younger Niijima sister is here too. There’s not much time. We need you to come with us...”_

Makoto shied away. Ren held his hand out cautiously. He kept his voice low and steady. “Hey. It’s okay.”

She peeked out from under her arms. _Ah, it’s only Ren._

“It’s okay,” he coaxed. Her eyes had adjusted to the dark and she could see his arms held open in invitation. Thunder rumbled and Makoto flew into Ren’s arms and buried her face in his chest. As lighting struck, she felt his arms over her back, holding her tightly, securely. She closed her eyes and gripped his shirt. She inhaled slowly to calm herself and smelled coffee and curiously, the faint scent of mugwort on him.

“It’s okay. You’re alright now. Nothing’s gonna hurt you. You’re safe here.”

A soothing hand came up and began to sift through her hair. She took comfort in his words and concentrated on the feeling of his hand stroking her hair, the solid weight of his arm on her back, and the sound of his heartbeat drowning out the noise of the thunderstorm. The haunting memories of _that night_ receded to the depths of her mind.

***

Ren flushed - he did not expect her to barrel into him so suddenly. _I’ve never seen her this scared before. Makoto, just what happened to you in the past?_ He continued to gently stroke the back of her head till eventually, she stopped trembling and he felt her body relax and lean into him.

“Are you feeling a little better now?” he murmured.

She nuzzled against his neck. “Yeah, thanks.” She thought she heard Ren swallow.

She turned her head towards the table. A small, shaky laugh escaped her lips and she slowly released her grip on his shirt.

“We can’t work like this.”

“Yeah.”

“But the rest of your notes…”

“Don’t worry about it.” He kept his arms around her. “Just as long as you’re okay.”

Suddenly the wind thrashed against the window with such tremendous force, Makoto thought the glass would break. She jumped and tightened her grip on his shirt again. “I’m sorry,” she groaned. “You must think I’m a child for acting like this.”

Ren placed his hand on the back of her shoulder, soothing her. “Makoto,” he asked gently. “How do you usually deal with thunderstorms?”

She blinked twice at the question. “Wait it out?”

“By yourself?”

“Sis isn’t around most of the time and I’ve learned how to handle things by myself. Thunderstorms and power outages aren’t that bad on their own. But...”

“There’s more to it, isn’t there?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

She nodded. “It brings back bad memories...and the nightmares that come with it. Normally, I’m able to keep myself under control but lately I’ve been having them again…”

“Nightmares…” he murmured half to himself. “Since when?”

She clasped her hands. “Ren, do you remember when I told you what happened to my father? It was on a night like this. Dark. Stormy. Sis and I were waiting for him to come home. It was getting late but that’s normal for him especially when he’s on a case. Sis told me to sleep first but I stayed awake in bed, listening for the door. Then, at about one in the morning, there’s a sharp knock at the door. I hear Sis open the door. There’s two men speaking quietly to her. Something’s wrong and I’m praying over and over again that it’s not what I think it is. That father...”

Makoto didn’t have to finish that sentence for Ren to know what she meant. He nodded sympathetically, quietly waiting for her to continue. Makoto drew a shaky breath.

“I sneak out of my room and I hear snippets of their conversation. Father’s voice cut short then nothing but static on the radio. Rushing to the scene and finding the mangled body. No open casket funeral. I see two officers with grim faces informing her of what happened two hours ago. And that we have to evacuate the house immediately. Sis turns around right as lightning strikes. I'll never forget how pale she looked. How gaunt her face was. The officers reach for me, but she comes between me and them. She grabs my shoulders and tells me to pack some things. To be a good girl and listen. We’re packed in less than ten minutes and rushed to a safehouse. But I didn’t feel safe there. I always felt scared especially when Sis was gone. Gone to deal with the officers so I wouldn’t have to. That’s when I started having nightmares of my father’s death. Constantly. Night after night even after we were allowed to go home.”

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat before continuing.

“I see my father standing on the road. I see the truck approaching. I scream but my voice doesn’t reach him. I can’t move. Then there’s a loud crash and I’m blinded by the headlights and I wake up.” She started trembling again. “It changes too. Sometimes he’s held at gunpoint, begging for his life, begging for us to be spared. Or he’s shot and he’s left bleeding out as the truck crushes his body. Sometimes the truck comes for me. But it always ends with my father murdered in front of me. And all I can do is watch helplessly. I couldn’t sleep after that. I’d just lie awake in bed, begging for morning to come.”

Ren kept his hands on her shoulders, sorting the details in his mind. “Did you tell your sister about it?”

Makoto shook her head. “Sis was already burdened with her job and all the work father left behind. Plus she was making sure we had enough to eat and that I was keeping up with my studies. I wasn’t about to become more of a burden than I was already.”

He frowned. “Makoto…”

“So I kept myself busy, practicing Aikido regularly and staying at the top of my class so I could get into a good high school. Then I could help Sis out with more things. And gradually, the nightmares stopped. Until now. I don’t know why the nightmares have come back. Maybe it’s because I’ve been thinking of father lately. Wishing things were different. Wishing someone could’ve saved him.”

She choked out a laugh. “Sis would berate me for saying that. That I’m weak and immature for wishing for something that will never come true.”

Ren firmly gripped her shoulders, turning her towards him. “You’re not weak. You’ve been bearing something like this by yourself all this time so you wouldn’t worry your sister. You just wanted your dad back, right? No one would blame you for wanting that.”

This made her look up at him. She was visibly moved and appeared to be on the verge of tears. Ren feared he wouldn’t be able to contain himself if she broke down.

“Ren, that’s-”

Suddenly she sneezed. The rest of her words were lost in an embarrassed whine.

“Hey, how about some coffee? It’s cold in here.” His voice cracked slightly. Ren started to move off the booth seat but felt Makoto catch his sleeve. His stomach flipped and he felt heat prick up his ears.

Makoto seemed to just realize what she was doing and instantly let go. “No, sorry! I was just, um, go ahead. I’m fine. Coffee would be nice, thanks.”

“...Wanna come with me to the kitchen?”

“Okay.”

He held out his hand. She took it and they walked towards the kitchen together. They continued to hold hands, reluctant to let go any longer than necessary for Ren to set a pot of coffee on the stove. Makoto held out her phone-flashlight for him while he reheated a pot of coffee one-handed. Rain lightly pattered against the roof as they silently waited for the coffee to boil.

“Normally I would’ve brewed a fresh pot but since the power’s out, this’ll have to do. But at least it’s hot.”

Ren squeezed her hand causing her heart to skip a beat. “Could you get me two cups, please?”

She selected two white cups and set them on the counter. After pouring the coffee, they returned to the booth, hands still linked, each carrying their cup. Ren let Makoto sit first. She set her cup down and shifted over one seat. Ren paused then set his cup down and sat next to her. Makoto took a sip. The coffee warmed her right down to her toes.

“This was a good idea. Thank you.”

Ren blew on his cup before taking a drink. “You’re welcome. But, hmm, I’m gonna have to make it up to you. The next time you come, I’ll brew you a fresh cup.”

She waved her hand. “It’s fine. You don’t have to.”

“No, I insist. You’ll see what I mean once you’ve had a freshly brewed cup of coffee. Also, I’d be a disgrace to Sojiro. Imagine what he’d say, his apprentice-in-training, serving leftover coffee to a friend at this fine establishment. Unthinkable.”

“We can’t have him calling you a disgrace now, can we?” she teased. They laughed.

She wrapped her fingers around her cup. “Ren?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for listening. This is the first time I’ve told someone about it. I don’t feel as scared as I was before.”

“Yeah. And if you ever want to talk some more, I’m here.”

“I appreciate it.”

"I mean it. You don't have to bear this on your own. If something's bothering you, you can talk to us about it, anytime."

She smiled. "I know."

Ren finished his coffee. “Sounds like the rain’s stopped.”

“Sorry we didn’t get as far as we were supposed to.”

“It’s fine, I should be able to finish up from here. Thanks for all your help, Makoto.”

“Will you be alright with your wrist like that?”

“Yeah, see?” He rotated his wrist. “I’ll walk you to the station?”

Makoto packed her things as Ren retrieved an umbrella. He wrapped up the katsu bun and gave it to her. “For lunch. Or a quick dinner if you’re short on time.” he suggested.

“You know I was kidding, right?”

“But you’re curious about it, aren’t you? They don’t sell this everyday; it’s a special item. I think you’ll like it.”

She opened her bag and he dropped it inside. “I’ll treat you to yakisoba pan for lunch.”

“Deal.”

* * *

It was drizzling as they ambled through the backstreets of Yongen-Jaya. Both didn’t say much. They were too preoccupied with maintaining a proper distance so that they wouldn’t accidentally bump the other’s shoulder but stay under the umbrella’s circumference at the same time.

When they arrived at the station, Ren folded the umbrella and shook the droplets off. “Here, take it with you.” he said handing it to her.

“But what about you?”

“I’ll just run back. Leblanc’s pretty close to the station after all. You can return it tomorrow.”

“Well, if you’re sure. Thanks.”

The train arrived on time. The doors slid open and Makoto bade Ren good night before stepping onto the train.

“Makoto.”

She turned.

“It’s alright to depend on me more.”

Her lips parted slightly, unable to give an immediate reply.

“Well, um, good night.” he mumbled as the doors closed and shuffled off.

Makoto leaned against the wall, clutching the umbrella. The feeling of the calluses on his hand and fingers pressed against her palm lingered. She liked how his grip was neither rough nor flaccid, just right. She thought of how much she wanted to keep holding his hand and wondered if he felt the same way. She recalled his comforting words, the gentle tone of his voice.

_“You’re safe here. You’re safe.”_

She felt peaceful despite her accelerating heartbeat. _Since when did he become such a comforting presence to me?_

Makoto entered her house and flicked on the lights. “I’m home.”

There was no reply. As usual. Normally she would have felt a twinge of melancholy coming home to an empty house, but today she felt relieved - her face was still red, her thoughts still full of Ren, and she definitely did not need her sister interrogating her on why she looked so distracted. Makoto sighed and went to the kitchen. She left a note on the table informing Sae dinner was in the fridge. She set down her things in her room and went to take a shower. After her shower she sent a short text to Ren informing him she got home safely then organized her bag for the next day. At last, she got ready for bed. The rain picked up again, pounding against the window. Thunder sounded in the distance. Makoto hugged her pillow and imagined Ren holding her securely as he did during the thunderstorm. The nightmares that crept along the edge of her mind subsided once again and after a few minutes, she fell asleep.

Ren lay in bed, massaging his wrist. The pain had lessened since evening. His phone buzzed. He read Makoto’s text and sent a quick reply that he received her text and wished her a good night’s sleep. Then he turned over and sank his head into his pillow. Morgana stirred slightly. He kneaded his fingertips remembering the feeling of her soft hair between his fingers. He thought of how small her shoulders seemed and how he wanted to hold her like that for just a little while longer, like he did in Mementos. He shook those thoughts away. _I’m terrible. She was scared out of her wits and my first thought was holding her close like we were actually..._

 _It’s like I was taking advantage of her fear. But I couldn’t just leave her alone like that...I hope she doesn’t think that’s what I was doing._ _I just want her to feel safe. What else I can do?_

He drew the covers over his stomach and eventually drifted away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -Originally, I had Makoto tutor Ren on math but math is not my best subject and I was filling in her dialogue with typical tutor lines like, “Use this formula here to…”  
> And it was all so dull!
> 
> -So I rewrote it with a subject I’m more in tune with. So yes, in Japanese, Makoto calls Kaneshiro, “narikin” translated as “money grubbing asshole”. Kaneshiro is based off of Tsubasa Yozawa(chubby face and all), a controversial entrepreneur who ran multiple online apparel shopping sites from 2005 to 2010 and ran expensive courses on his startup experience with the slogan “earn 100 million yen per second”. The press labeled him a “narikin”, because of his detestable habit of showing off his wealth to the public like his Rolls-Royce and a mini tower of stacked bills. The surname "Kaneshiro" (金城) is a kanji wordplay of Narikin (成り金).
> 
> -The idiom that literally means “to pull the hair from one’s back”, is used when one does something with painful reluctance. ***spoiler*** Fox bids Joker goodbye with this saying when Joker opts to be the decoy at the Casino, translated as “This truly is a painfully reluctant parting…!”
> 
> -A Monogatari Series reference in this fic? But, of course!
> 
> -As cute as it was seeing Makoto cling onto Ren due to her fear of the dark/lightning/ghosts, I disliked the use of “cheap shojo weaknesses”. Y’know, give the girl a shallow fear making her scared and vulnerable and clingy so the obscenely perfect love interest can step up and be all protective in one big, fat, cheesy, treacly moment. It’s not the dark people are afraid of, it’s what might lurk in it and how it allows you to imagine your fears more easily. 
> 
> -Of course, when it happens to characters we care about, it makes for a comforting, emotional moment and you feel that the bond between the two has grown a little stronger and that you understand them more.
> 
> -I wished the game elaborated on her fear of the dark. It would give an already interesting character like Makoto, more depth. I imagine it stemmed partially from being on her own in her childhood and amplified by her father’s death. Hence my embellishment in this chapter.


	5. Avoiding Battles of Attrition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -The title of this chapter is taken from one of Makoto’s dialogue in Mementos as well as her comment on wanting oyakodon and udon. It was translated to "chicken [bowls]" as seen below:
> 
> Ryuji : Hey, you guys wanna grab some beef bowls once we're done for today?  
> Makoto: I'd prefer chicken. Oh! Maybe with a little udon on the side…
> 
> -Actually, most of the banter in the Monamobile is from the dialogue that happens when you drive around Mementos. It's a charming part of the game, where you get to know a bit more about each of the Phantom Thieves outside their confidant arcs.
> 
> -Protip: Perusing [Mementos Skits](https://fresnel.bitbucket.io/tmp/mementos.html) sparks ideas for fanfics

 

The peaceful feeling from the night before stayed with Makoto as she rose and practiced her Aikido routine. She had fallen in a dreamless slumber, unafflicted by nightmares. She stretched and took a deep breath that reached all the way down to her diaphragm. _Good. I can beat this_.

She raised her fists and cycled through a series of strikes and punches. Aikido always helped center her and sharpen her mental acuity. It’s what she relied on ever since she could walk, ever since she wanted to emulate her sister’s strength, and even more so after her father’s passing. Only now, there was an additional layer to that tranquility which passed over her and even surmounted the sense of calm gained from training.

_“No one would blame you for wanting that.” His arms were around her holding her securely, quelling her fears._

Makoto felt the blood rush to her face and her heart rate rapidly increase - and it certainly was not from the effort she was putting in to her workout. _This isn’t good for my heart. Why am I letting him affect me so? Then again, I’d rather have that than letting Shadows get the better of me. I’ve really got to pull myself together._ After cooling down, she went to brush her teeth and grabbed her phone.

 

> _M. Niijima: Morning. I’ve got your umbrella. When should I bring it to you?_  
>  _R. Amamiya: Thanks! Let's meet up after class - before we meet with the others._  
>  _M. Niijima: Sounds good. See you then._

* * *

 

Ms. Kawakami began her lecture on medieval history. She gave a brief overview of the kings and queens who reigned, key historical battles, and the types of armor knights wore.

“By the way, there’s a scene in _Hamlet_ where Hamlet and Horatio are discussing the Ghost. Hamlet says: ‘Then saw you not his face?’ to which Horatio responds ‘O yes, my lord. He wore his beaver up.’”

“Amamiya-kun,” she called. Ren sat up attentively (Mishima looked at him in anticipation). “Can you tell me which piece of armor Horatio was referring to when he says he ‘wore his beaver up’?”.

[“His cape.”|“His helmet.”|“His visor.”|“His cowl.”]

“This one (His visor.).” Ren replied.

“That’s correct. The word _beaver_ is sometimes used interchangeably with _visor_ , as seen in Shakespeare’s _Hamlet_.”

Murmurs of approval and surprise could be heard around the classroom.

Sitting contently in his desk, Morgana purred. “You must be pretty smart to answer a question like that. Guess all that reading on the subway paid off.”

Ren rubbed the back of his neck, pleased with himself.

“The _beaver_ of a helmet is frequently used by writers, improperly enough, to express the helmet itself. It is in reality the lower part of it, adapted to the purpose of giving the wearer an opportunity of taking breath when oppressed with heat, or, without putting off the helmet, of his repast.” Ms. Kawakami continued.

Morgana swished his tail. “Come to think of it, Queen’s mask looks like a visor. Though she’d probably get annoyed if we referred to it as a ‘beaver’.”

Ren smiled into his hand.

 

The bell rang and students rushed out of the classroom, eager to get to clubs or home or hang out with friends.

Ann patted his desk. “See you at our meeting spot.” she whispered before taking off.

“Yeah.”

Ren checked his bag, then his phone. He reread Makoto’s texts and headed towards the hallway.

Makoto was already there waiting. When she saw Ren approach, she walked over and handed back his umbrella. Ren smiled and as he reached across to take the umbrella, his fingers brushed against hers and lingered there. Her heart skipped a beat but kept her fingers in place. After a brief moment, they both let go.

“Um, about what you said yesterday.” she said, twiddling the ends of her hair. “If I depend on you more, I’d like this to be equal. I want you to be able to rely on me more as well.”

“Thanks, I already do. C’mon, the others are waiting.”

Makoto took a moment to consider his words before catching up to him.

Ryuji and Ann were already waiting at the hideout overlooking Shibuya station. Yusuke was the last one to arrive.

“On your mark, Leader.” said Ryuji, waving his hand.

Ren pulled out his phone and activated the Metanav.

 

**_~Beginning navigation. Now traveling to Mementos.~_ **

 

“Alright guys, let’s take down some Shadows!” shouted Skull winding up his arm.

Panther put a hand on her hip and smiled. “You’re pretty pumped! You kinda sound like a kid though.” she teased.

Mona hopped up and down excitedly. “A new path opened up for us last time. Let’s see how much loot we can grab today!”

“Indeed.” Fox sheathed his katana. “I wonder how deep we’ll manage to go this time. I hope during our excursion, we’ll encounter something that sparks the imagination.”

Everyone ran ahead.

“Joker, wait.” said Queen. “Can I see your wrist?”

He held out his right hand. She took it. He started slightly at her touch.

“Diarama.” The sprain was healed but Queen held onto his wrist. “Thanks again for saving me. I’d hate it if your injuries increased in battle because of me.” said Queen, her eyes downcast.

 _Oh._ Joker berated himself for that careless remark about his injury. He didn’t fully consider how much it bothered her. He only wanted to see her but didn’t want to appear lame and desperate and studying seemed as good an excuse as any...

He shook his head. “That was my choice. I wasn’t about to lose our team strategist. You’d do the same if I were in a situation like that, right?”

“Without hesitation,” she replied instantly.

He blinked twice then fiddled with his bangs. “S-so see? We’re -” he began.

“What’re you guys doing?” Skull hollered. “We’re gonna leave you behind!”

“Queen noticed I was injured and she healed me.”

“What - for real? You gotta speak up about these things, man.”

“My bad.” said Joker, cracking a grin.

“That’s Queen for ya! Always lookin’ out for her teammates!” Skull gave her two thumbs-up.

Queen returned it albeit awkwardly. “Uh-huh.”

Everyone piled into the Monamobile with Joker in the driver’s seat. They traversed the desolate roads of Mementos. Smaller Shadows scurried away from the blinding headlights.

“It’s so barren.” said Panther quietly.

“If only the roads could be smoother. The turbulence is interfering with my sketching.” Fox complained. He ripped the page he was working on and attempted to start afresh on a blank sheet.

Presently, someone’s stomach growled.

“I’m hungry,” grumbled Skull. “I feel like beef bowls.”

“Didn’t you just eat a protein bar before we came here?” asked Panther.

“And now I’m hungry again! We got anything to eat in the back?”

Fox sighed delicately. “I’m always famished…you could call it my constant state of being.”

“Uh, maybe we can all grab something to eat after we’re done for today. I’m in the mood for oyakodon. Oh! Maybe with a little udon on the side.” Queen balled her fists as she thought of the many different toppings she could sprinkle on her udon.

Joker chuckled quietly. _Oh Makoto, I’ll buy you all the little bowls of udon you could ever want._

Her head snapped over to him. “Joker, what do you feel like?”

“Suuusshhiiii~!” came Mona’s voice from the front. Queen could swear it sounded like Mona’s engine was drooling.

“Albacore...Yellowtail...Sea Bream…”

“That’s enough out of you, cat! Convenience-store sushi’s good enough for you with all the racket you’re causing.” Skull stamped his heavy combat boot down on the car floor.

“Yowch! Don’t kick at my stomach, Bonehead!”

Skull ignored him. “I bet I know what Joker’s hungry for - curry!”

Joker laughed. “Well, I’m down for anything. But I’ve been wanting to try Big Bang Burger’s limited-time Moon Burger.”

“Wherever we go,” said Panther. “We have to finish it off with something sweet!”

The Phantom Thieves arrived at the floor they cleared previously. The red fractal gates opened and they trip-trapped down the escalator. Everyone agreed to take turns switching out after a certain number of rounds or as necessary with Joker in the lead.

“Ya know, I’ve been thinkin’,” said Skull.

“Congratulations...” muttered Mona. Joker rolled his eyes good-naturedly and Skull seemed too preoccupied with formulating his theory to hear Mona’s little quip.

“About the Mementos-quake from last time. Mementos is s’pposed to be the public’s Palace, right?”

“Right…” said Panther, pulling her whip taut.

“So, if maybe we steal enough treasures, maybe sections of Mementos will collapse?”

Fox scratched his head. Queen arched an eyebrow.

“Skull, that just sounds like one of your video games.” she said.

Mona shook his head vigorously, wringing his paws. “No! Mementos doesn’t work like that! The Treasure is at its depths. I know it. I just do.”

“Then what caused the quake?” asked Panther.

Mona shook his head again, this time sadly. “I don’t know. Mementos is like a labyrinth that constantly fluctuates according to the hearts of mankind. Maybe we just happened get caught in the middle of where the floors were shifting.”

He turned towards Queen with flattened ears. “Sorry, Queen. If I had sensed it sooner...”

“It’s not your fault, Mona. Now that we know something like this can happen, we’ll take extra measures to avoid ‘Mementos-quakes’. It seems like the lower we go, the more dangerous it becomes. We can’t lower our guard.”

“Not to mention, the wind clearly resembles human voices in these depths. Like an echoing elegy, a voiceless lamentation filled with past regrets and sorrows.” said Fox waxing poetic.

Queen felt a chill go down her spine, dismissing it as nerves from how unnaturally dark it was. _Mementos gets progressively darker the deeper we go. We are underground after all. Just stay calm._

“Everyone,” called Joker, tugging on his gloves. “Get ready. I sense one approaching.”

He snuck around a pillar, grappled onto a Shadow, and promptly ripped off its mask.

“Show me your true form!”

Queen did a few warm-up hops and assumed her battle stance. _If the voices come, I’ll ignore them. It’s just a scare tactic the Shadows use. I can fight! I will fight!_

The Shadow morphed into a Mithras.

Queen took the initiative and shot it square in the chest. Its arms windmilled then it propped itself up from the rock it was fused to.

The pale being raised its knife and cast a Nuclear spell. Joker and Fox dodged the blast gracefully and Queen managed to guard herself. Skull fell backwards but quickly recovered, dusting himself off.

Joker sneered and casually rested his dagger on his right shoulder, taunting the enemy to “bring it”.

“Eligor!” A horned knight in red armor bearing a lance and a scepter materialized onto the field.

“There!” Joker directed. The War-hungry Horseman embedded its lance into the Mithras’ skull. It keeled over and faded away with a bloodcurdling scream, which to Queen sounded exactly like -

_Father._

Fear seized her, making her blood run cold. _Still? Okay, no big deal. I was just caught off guard. I just need to keep it together. Everyone’s counting on me._ Joker espied her clamping one hand over the other to keep them from trembling. His brow creased with worry.

“Well, onto the next triumph.” Fox declared.

“Good work. Keep it up.” said Mona.

 

The Monamobile looped through two roundabouts before driving through a spacious area where silhouettes of people boarded a spectral train. All who entered the train melted into its eerie crimson light. Joker raided all the chests they spotted lying by the wayside.

“ **TRAIN!!!** ” Skull bellowed as the train whistled past them.

Panther giggled. “At least we weren’t walking on the rails.”

“I remember that movie. It’s been so long since I last watched it.” Queen remarked.

“Whoa! Check out that freaky-looking Shadow! Ramming speed, Mona!” Skull pointed, jamming his finger into the windshield. He bounced in his seat, raring to go.

“They’re all kinda freaky.” said Panther.

The Monamobile smashed into it.

Three Ascended Felines crouched low, backs arched and hackles raised.

Skull zapped one with Zio. It hissed at him. Queen gripped her brass knuckles and jumped into the fray. The Shadows dodged all her punches.

“I missed?” she groaned, disconcerted. “Sorry, someone finish it for me!”

Fox summoned Goemon and cut through all three Felines with Vicious Strike. The one injured by Skull’s electric spell, whimpered and disappeared.

_“STOP IT!”_

Queen shuddered. It was her voice this time, pleading for her father to move, wishing the truck would change direction at the last second. She wanted to flee but she forced herself to stay in place. _Focus. You can’t let the same Shadow trick you twice._

Joker trained his gun on the one further from him and opened fire. It leapt over him and targeted Queen with Terror Claw. She felt its claws rake down her back. A scream of anguish ripped from her throat and she seized it by the tail and crushed it beneath her fists.

 _“Don’t do this,”_ it wailed in her father’s voice. _“Please, spare them.”_

“ ** _SHUT UP!_ **” Queen was shaking. Skull and Fox were taken aback by her sudden display of aggravation. Joker looked on in abject horror.

The remaining Feline snarled and bared its fangs, damaging everyone with Magaru. Joker gasped in pain as the wind spell burned him. Queen panicked and quickly healed everyone. The urge to flee grew stronger.

_That’s all you know how to do. When things are tough, you withdraw into yourself, unable to ask for help for fear of burdening others and in turn, become unable to help the people around you. And that’s why...you’re useless._

“Hey, look out!” shouted Skull.

Before she could react, the Ascended Feline charged towards her, claws unsheathed, ready to gouge her with Terror Claw. Queen braced for the attack.

“Bufula!” Ice encased the malevolent cat demon, freezing it in place. Goemon scowled and faded away.

“White Rider!” Joker roared, sending forth the ghostly horse and its rider to trample the Ascended Feline.

_“Save me, Sis. Don’t leave me here by myself.”_

Queen kept her fists raised in front of her face in a feeble attempt to shut out the Shadow’s cries. They were becoming more vivid. Her nightmares, her worst fears were seeping into reality.

The battle was over and Joker rushed to Queen’s side. She was hyperventilating.

“Hey, are you alright?” He offered an Arginade to her. Her breathing slowed to normal as she drank it.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lose my composure like that. I should have been able to finish it off but I kept missing and then I...” She gripped her hair. “Just give me a few minutes.”

“Don’t put this all on yourself; We were all having trouble. It’s a good thing you healed us when you did.” He handed her another bottle of Arginade. “Why don’t you rest for a bit? You took the most damage out of all of us.”

Joker himself was irked that Queen was injured because he missed the second Ascended Feline. It seemed as though the Shadows were deliberately targeting her. Between their fall and escape from the unknown floor of Mementos and Queen’s present instability, Joker knew he was overlooking something.

She looked at his singed gloves. “You even got burned.”

“I’m fine. Just a minor injury.” He brushed off some ash on his shoulder. “We should all heal up before we move on.”

He pulled out a thermos of Leblanc Coffee and a few Soul Drops. “Drink up guys!”

Queen sat near the Monamobile, practicing her breathing exercises in an effort to stabilize herself. Joker scanned his cadre’s current condition.

“Hey, Joker we ready to go?” asked Skull.

“Yeah, let’s clear this floor. Skull, take the front lines. Full Assault. Fox, you’re on defense.”

“You’re the boss!”

“Leave it to me.”

Queen prepped her brass knuckles, awaiting Joker’s instructions.

“Panther. Switch with Queen.”

Queen was beside herself. “Wait!” she cried. “Put me on support! I can heal us at least!”

“No. Go rest.” His command was quiet yet firm. His eyes were grim. His mouth was set.

She protested again. “Give me another chance. I can still fight. I’ll prove it.”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

She stared him down with hard eyes, clenching her fists. Frustration and anger roiled within her. _You said you were relying on me, didn’t you?_

Panther’s wide eyes darted back and forth between them. She held out a tentative hand, wondering if she should interfere.

But after a tense moment, Queen relented. She felt her throat close in on itself as she choked out, “I understand...”

Joker pivoted towards his teammates and strode past her without sparing a glance. “Let’s keep going. Panther, you’re on offense.”

Panther took a hesitant step forward but wavered upon seeing Queen’s dismayed expression. “Queen...”

Queen dug her nails into her forearm, unable to look Panther in the eye. “Go, Panther. It looks like I do need to cool down.”

***

Queen sat in the Monamobile resting her head in her hands. She could hear Joker and the rest fighting. Judging from the garbled noise of Shadows talking, they were in mid-negotiation.

“You okay?” puffed Mona.

“Not really. I’m sorry, Mona, I don’t know what came over me.”

“You should say sorry to Joker, not me.”

“I know. I will. It’s just...I wanted to be helpful. He said he was relying on me.” She stared at her upturned palms. “And I couldn’t do that.”

“I’m sure he knows that. He thinks about you, you know. Worries about you too.”

“Does he...? I-I mean, I have caused him trouble him this past week.” She was sure Mona meant as a valued team member but it made her blush nonetheless. For once, she was thankful her mask covered half her face.

“Yeah, but he tries not to show it. Thinks it makes him look cool.”

She chuckled softly. “That sounds just like him.”

Her anger subsided. “Mona, can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“Do you hear Shadows say something when you defeat them?”

“Like when they squeal ‘nooooo’ and ‘curse youuuu’ and ‘blarggh’?”

“No, not exactly.” she said, stifling a laugh. “More like…words said by people you know. People who are gone.”

Mona was silent for a while. Queen could hear Joker and the others exploring the floor, moving further away from the Monamobile. She got the feeling Joker was purposely opting not to drive.

“Mementos isn’t a place for the deceased. But it is a place that reflects the heart, a person’s desires...and fears.” Mona began carefully. “And Shadows will try to drag us down by taking advantage of our fears.”

She bit her lip. “So how does one not let themself be affected?”

“As Persona users, we’ve been given the means to fight by overcoming our own shadows. Even if our desires or fears manifest here, we never have to worry about them becoming distorted or becoming a Shadow ourselves. We’re stronger than them.”

To Queen, it sounded like Mona was saying it half to himself.

The Monamobile twitched, as if it were stretching. “It’s simple, Queen! You have to realize Shadows are nothing but prey.”

She smiled ruefully. “So I just have to change my mindset, huh?”

It didn’t entirely answer her question but she felt she had a better grasp on handling her problem. _That’s right. I’ve allowed myself to be intimidated. If my dreams of father stemmed from my wish to save him, then hearing these voices in Mementos shows me I have to move past that. Otherwise, I can’t protect those important to me. I need more discipline._

Mona perked up. “Oh? Looks like they’re back.”

* * *

 

The Phantom Thieves decided to camp out at a Safe Room before proceeding. Joker stood in the corner, idly polishing his dagger. Queen stood opposite from where he was on the far end of the room, brooding over their argument. Skull, Panther, and Fox lounged in the middle. Mona sat on a chair, cleaning himself. A heavy silence settled in the room, broken by the occasional train clacking along the railroad tracks. Panther poked Skull.

“I don’t like this. Should we give them some space to hash things out?”

Skull blew at a floating dust particle. “Nah. They’ll talk to each other when they’re ready.”

He looked at both of them, their backs deliberately turned away from each other. “Eventually.”

“They’re both rather stubborn. Perhaps a peace offering is in order.” said Fox.

Queen slapped the sides of her face and heaved a long sigh. She knew their confrontation was affecting everyone’s teamwork and she knew she couldn’t allow this to go on any longer. She could at least let Joker know she was willing to make peace. She steeled herself and meekly approached him.

“Hey,” she said cautiously. If Joker was going to give her grief or the silent treatment, she was ready to receive it. Instead he stowed his dagger and gave her a faint smile, fatigue lining his face. His coat and gloves were singed again, making her nose wrinkle at the smell of burnt fabric.

“Hey.” he said hoarsely.

“I, um, want to apologize for earlier. I was being stubborn and I know you were concerned about my well being.”

His expression softened. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m sorry too.”

“Huh? For what?”

He lifted his mask and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I was pissed at myself. For letting you get hit. I should’ve went for it with my blade so it’d keep its attention on me.”

She smiled wryly. “Those Shadows were an evasive bunch after all. Who was it again who said not to put everything on themselves?”

He snickered. Relief washed over her. They were talking properly.

“I’m sorry if it seemed like I was mad at you.” He placed a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t have to prove anything, you know.”

She responded by putting her hand over his. Right then, Joker wished their Metaverse outfits were gloveless.

“I was happy when you told me you relied on me. So when I couldn’t fight like how I normally do, I wound up losing my temper.”

“You’re a capable fighter, Queen. And you’re always looking out for us.” he told her reassuringly. “But that doesn’t mean you have to be reckless. And don’t think less of yourself just because you had trouble fighting this time. I’d rather have you stand down, than see you push yourself and get hurt.”

“I apologize again,” she sighed. “You made the right call. I’m calmer now.”

She let her hand fall to her side and stared at their boots, thinking of her conversation with Mona.

“Queen...?” He squeezed her shoulder, worrying that she had froze up the way she did when they were trapped underground.

Her head snapped back up. Joker jerked back in surprise.

“Joker? I think still might be a bit shaken up from falling down Mementos.”

“Are you sure that’s all?”

Queen nearly told him about the Shadows’ cries mixing with her memories.

“I didn’t realize it myself until we fought today.” She made a fist and tried giving him a reassuring smile. “But I’m sure I’ll be fine after a good night’s rest.”

He looked as if he was about to press further but stopped himself. He drew himself to full height and faced her now as the leader of the Phantom Thieves consulting the team strategist.

“How shall we proceed, Queen? You’re good at gauging these things. Stop here or move on? It’s your call.”

She looked at her teammates who were peeking at them from around the corner. Skull ducked his head. Panther gave her a thumbs-up. Fox waved a box of his favorite potato snack. “Peace offering?” he mouthed.

Queen smiled at them then turned back to address a mirthful Joker. “I think we can afford another battle as long as you manage your resources wisely. Afterwards we’ll need to leave this floor. Is it alright with everyone if I rest a bit more?”

“Fine with us.” they chorused.

After half a day’s worth of hunting Shadows, Joker evaluated everyone’s energy levels. Just as Queen advised, they all agreed to head back to the entrance for the day.

“I apologize for my behavior today and for my poor performance in battle.” Queen folded her hands and lowered her head.

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” said Skull, clapping her on the shoulder. “Everyone has an off day now and then.”

“Yeah, we’re all here back each other up.” assured Panther. “You were just frustrated, right? I’d go crazy too if the Shadows kept dodging my attacks.”

“Again, I’m sorry for that. I’m glad you guys were able to cover for me.”

Fox nodded. “There’s no need to be so apologetic. Rather, we should be thanking you for healing all of us. Please, raise your head.”

“What Fox said. If I said sorry for every time I missed I’d be…uh, never mind.” Skull scratched his back with his pipe. “Point is, don’t let it get to you. Right, Joker?”

Joker appeared to be lost in thought, back turned from the rest of group, hands in pockets, staring blankly at the wall.

“You don’t think he went to _that place_ , do you?” whispered Panther to Skull.

“Joker. Dude?” Skull waved his hand in front of his face. Joker blinked and looked at him. “Yeah?”

“You go somewhere, man?”

Joker smirked. “Something like that.”

“Sure you didn’t hit your head too hard or something when you guys fell? Seriously, you two are so out of it.”

He jerked a thumb towards Queen. “Anyway, say something to Queen so she stops worrying about what happened. She’s been apologizin’ left and right since we got back.”

He gave Queen a curt nod. “Good work today.”

She couldn’t quite agree but nodded anyway. “Yeah. You too.”

Joker pulled out his phone. “We’re leaving now. Everyone ready?”

 

**_~Beginning navigation. Now exiting Mementos.~_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -Did you know Mishima will turn to look at the protagonist when you get called on to answer a question? Such a Phanboy. XDD
> 
> -I remember watching episode 11 where Queen gets her codename and had no idea how Joker got ‘queen’ based on her breastplate and boots (But of course, Joker’s the one who comes up with the perfect codename!). 
> 
> -In the game Mona observes that Makoto’s mannerisms are very queenly/empress-like hence, Queen but for some reason that line was omitted from the anime. 
> 
> -Still, it makes me laugh at how Ryuji’s naming sense is based on the most prominent parts of each Phantom Thief’s outfit and Ann’s naming sense is based on their role in the team. 
> 
> -Yusuke’s “Rider” seemed the most fitting. I thought of “Knight” myself because her mask reminded me of a medieval knight’s helmet visor. It’s also my favorite mask out of all the Phantom Thieves although I am partial to Joker’s bird-like Domino mask.
> 
> -This led me to research for the kind of medieval helmet that would have a visor similar to Queen’s mask. Then I found the Hamlet passage and couldn’t resist putting that in as a bit of trivia. Then I had to pick which teacher should quiz Ren on the subject/which teacher asks literature/history questions. I played through the playlist of P5 Test Answers before I remembered Ms. Kawakami asking a question on Arsene Lupin and plagiarism. And besides she’s the homeroom teacher. It’s perfect!
> 
> -Ms. Kawakami’s lecture taken from [The Plays and Poems of William Shakespeare, with the Corrections and Illustrations of Various Commentators Comprehending a Life of a Poet and an Enlarged History of the Stage](https://books.google.com/books?id=RAIzAQAAMAAJ&pg=PA431&lpg=PA431&dq=The+beaver+of+a+helmet+is+frequently+used+by+writers,+improperly+enough,+to+express+the+helmet+itself.+It+is+in+reality+the+lower+part+of+it,&source=bl&ots=vHhz3lb6dq&sig=ACfU3U00c7oh6KvJPB9N-ntEvaTzmJB8yA&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiH39qMtZLgAhXQJjQIHV6jD-EQ6AEwAHoECAMQAQ#v=onepage&q=The%20beaver%20of%20a%20helmet%20is%20frequently%20used%20by%20writers%2C%20improperly%20enough%2C%20to%20express%20the%20helmet%20itself.%20It%20is%20in%20reality%20the%20lower%20part%20of%20it%2C&f=false), by the Late Edmond Malone


	6. Break it Down at the Ramen Shop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So which version of Break it Down played in your head? [Regular](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55zOo5JWFSA) or [ELP](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxHyGFo8nEM)? :D

“Hey, who’s up for ramen?” asked Ryuji as the group walked past Okumura Foods Headquarters.

“A tantalizing suggestion but I’m afraid I’m strapped for cash. Although I suppose I could join you for a glass of water.” said Yusuke, checking his pockets, hoping he had enough for the train fare.

“No worries, man!” Ryuji turned to Ren. “We’ve got plenty o’ cash to spare, right?”

Ren quickly tallied the yen bills in his bag as did Morgana. He pawed at Ren’s hand. “The buttery broth. The chewy noodles. The savory slices of chashu. It calls us.”

Ren could see Morgana was practically drooling and grinned. “Yep. I’d say we deserve a treat for all our hard work today and to make up for last time.”

“ **REN-REN!** ” Ryuji cheered and bounced the rest of the way to Ogikubo.

Ann smiled in amusement as she watched Ryuji cavort down the sidewalk. “How did beef bowls change to ramen?” she asked Makoto.

Makoto shrugged. “Who knows? I’ve never seen anyone get this excited for ramen before. I’m actually starting to look forward to it myself.”

 

The Phantom Thieves managed to find a spot at the bar in the bustling ramen shop. The guys sat on one end, the girls on the other.

“Kill count today: nineteen.” Ryuji declared proudly. “Those Shadows didn’t stand a chance against us!”

“Not so loud, Ryuji.” said Ann between clenched teeth.

“Nah, he’s just talking about Gun About. Obviously.” said Ren waving his hand dismissively. “Excuse me, I’d like a tonkotsu ramen with extra chashu - mild, please.”

Everyone else placed their orders after Ren. Yusuke ordered extra noodles and extra bean sprouts.

“I love this place!” said Ryuji to Yusuke. “They always bring out the ramen piping hot with fresh veggies and meat. Super tasty too. And their soft-boiled eggs? I always hafta get two of ‘em!”

He pointed at the chefs skillfully whisking the noodles out of the boiling pot and taking it to cool. Yusuke watched in awe of how efficiently the chefs were moving. “If you catch it at just the right time, the chefs’ll already have some bundles ready to go. Then they just need to add the broth, some toppings, and **BAM!** Ramen in five minutes flat!”

Ren requested extra napkins and passed them out. His order came first. He split his wooden chopsticks and set them down on the bowl.

“Dude, go ahead and eat before your noodles get all soggy.” said Ryuji.

“I can wait. Your bowls should be done soon.” But he did pick up a chashu slice and lowered it to his lap. Morgana’s head popped up and gobbled it down, lickety-split. The chefs thought they heard the elongated meow of an extremely happy cat. They figured one of their workers was feeding a stray in the back.

Ryuji and Ann’s came next.

“It’s here! Let’s eat!!” he cried happily. Ryuji snarfed down his ramen, swallowing the noodles whole.

“You’ll burn your tongue.” Ann said flatly.

“Dis ish how you’re supposed to eat it!” he said in between bites and gulps of ice water. “Then you can just pick up your bowl and drink the leftover broth without anything in the way. Ain’t nothing more satisfying.”

The chef set Yusuke’s bowl in front of him. He looked ecstatically at the mound of bean sprouts swimming in a sea of chicken stock. “I see. You are to enjoy the noodles first and foremost before consuming the toppings. Only then, can you enjoy the harmony of flavors blended seamlessly into the broth, unhindered. I didn’t realize there was a specific sequence to eating ramen. You’re quite the connoisseur.”

“You don’t have to copy him, Yusuke. Just eat how you like.” She sipped the broth and munched on a bamboo shoot. Then she set her chopsticks down and waited for Makoto’s ramen to arrive.

Makoto gestured at her to keep eating. “Go on, I’m sure mine will be here soon.”

“Okay.” Ann turned her bowl away from Ryuji’s loud slurping and made a show of neatly spooling the ramen into her soup spoon and eating it in little, ladylike bites.

Makoto’s bowl came last. She noticed Ren was feeding Morgana bits and pieces but only started eating when he saw her bowl arrive. _Was he waiting for me...?_ As she reached for the red pepper she noticed Ann looking at her with creased eyebrows.

“W-what is it, Ann?” she asked nervously.

“You’ve been acting kind of weird lately. Everything okay?”

“I just haven’t felt like myself lately, ever since we fought those Shadows.” Makoto tapped the shaker when suddenly, the cap fell off and the ramen was topped with a mountain of red pepper flakes. She winced.

“I hate it when people don’t put the cap back properly! It’s so inconsiderate!” Ann said crossly. “Hey, maybe you should ask for another bowl?”

“It’s fine.” Makoto pursed her lips, steeling herself. “I can handle a little spiciness.”

“Here, switch with me.” Ren swooped in, picked up her bowl, and set his down in front of her. “I’ve barely started mine, don’t worry.”

“But---!”

But Ren was already gone with the spicy ramen. “Hey, Yusuke! Want some Challenge Ramen? Perfect for a hot summer day like this.”

“Challenge Ramen? How intriguing! Its ruddiness reminds one of curry.”

Ryuji wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Aw yeah, I want in on this. Let’s see how much heat each of us can handle, huh? Last man standing wins!”

“So, it’s to be an endurance contest then? Very well, I shall try my hand at this dish!”

Ren swirled the molten concoction and took the first bite. His glasses fogged up and he swallowed stoically. After a moment, sweat broke out on his forehead, his nose started dripping, and he began to cough. “N-not bad...” he wheezed.

Makoto looked down at her replacement. Then towards the guys. Then she noticed Ann looking at her smugly. “Did something happen between you and Ren when you were trapped in Mementos?”

“What? N-no! He got us out of there and he protected us from Shadows when I was incapacitated. It was very leader-like.” said Makoto attempting to sound objective, pushing away the memory of her pressed against his chest, the feeling of his sturdy arms wrapped around her, his body heat...

“Right, if you say so---”

Ann was interrupted by Yusuke unleashing a howl that could rival a certain silver-haired samurai. “Wha-what is this?!?” He choked and hacked and spluttered.

“ **I’ve. Been. Bamboozled**.” His face burned bright red like a tomato and he probably could have spewed fire.

Ryuji was cracking up. “Weak, Yusuke! Lemme see how bad it could - GACK-!!”

“WATERWATERWATERWATER!!!” Ryuji scrambled for the nearest glass of water he saw.

“Hey, that’s mine-!” cried Ann. Ryuji downed her glass, choked, and spewed water from his mouth and nose, spraying her.

“ _RYUJI!_ ” she screeched. “For crying out loud-!”

“I ain’t done yet!” Ryuji grabbed the bowl and shoved another mouthful down his throat. His face turned five different shades of red and he looked about ready to implode. He pounded the table with his fist, suppressing a scream. He gasped for air then picked up the bowl with both hands and took another swig.

Yusuke doubled over in defeat and Ren half-wondered if he should call the fire department for Ryuji who seemed dead set on single-handedly finishing the bowl.

Makoto handed Ann a napkin then turned and bowed her head towards the other patrons in the restaurant. A group of salarymen seemed to be getting a kick out of the commotion.

“Ain’t youth grand?” one of them said. They all laughed heartily and guzzled their beers.

***

The Phantom Thieves hung around the outside of the ramen shop, cooling themselves off. The guys were still laughing.

“Man, we gotta do this again.” said Ryuji, mouth still burning. Sweat dribbled down his chin and he wiped it up with the corner of his tank top. “I was sweating like crazy but I couldn’t stop eating, you know? There’s something in those spices that makes the flavor more intense with each bite.”

“I just hope we didn’t scare away any potential customers or tourists.” Ren chortled, wiping his nose with a napkin Makoto gave him earlier.

“I must say,” said Yusuke. “That was quite stimulating. A test of strength between us men. This was an eye-opening experience. Allow me to partake again next time.”

Ann stood a few yards away from the guys, fanning herself with her hand.

“Do you want another napkin?” Makoto asked.

“I’m good. I’m going to have to wash this when I get back. Stupid Ryuji.” she said, stretching out her black tank top.

Makoto scrunched up the napkin. “Ann, I’m sorry for objecting when you switched with me. I wasn’t against it, I just wanted to make up for my mistake.”

“No worries. We’re a team right? When one of us isn’t feeling at our best, then we all step up to support them. Hey Makoto, if something’s bothering you, don’t be afraid to speak up. You probably have lots of stuff going on but don’t forget to take care of yourself too. If you can, find some time to talk about it with someone you trust. That always helps me.”

Ann smiled widely and looked briefly towards Ren who was now attempting to surreptitiously clear his splotchy nose. Makoto gave a small smile. Hadn’t Ren told her something similar? But still…

“Right. Thanks, Ann.”

Ann covered a cheeky grin with her hand. “You didn’t hear it from me but, Joker felt bad leaving you back there. He was all, ‘Was I too harsh on her?’ and he was scared you were going to sock him in the face or something.”

Makoto flushed pink. “I...I wouldn’t do that.”

Ann’s phone rang. “I gotta take this.” She turned around and answered it while continuing to fan herself.

Makoto glanced at Ren. He winked at her. If Makoto did not know the meaning of “shot through the heart” before, she knew it right then and there.

“I have to go guys,” Ann said as she hung up. “Photo shoot in twenty minutes. Bye-bye!”

Ryuji sprinted after her. “Lemme walk ya. I feel bad, messing up your shirt.”

Ann side-eyed him.

Ryuji scratched the side of his scalp. “Uh, you said you wanted something sweet right? How ‘bout I buy you a crepe to make up for it?”

“Fine.” she huffed. She turned her nose up and marched ahead of Ryuji, hiding her growing smile.

* * *

 

The group parted ways at the station and went home. Makoto sank onto the sofa in the living room, ruminating over what transpired in Mementos. Dealing with her nightmares that caused her to fight poorly. Losing her composure. Her stubbornness which caused her to clash with Joker. The relief in his eyes when they reconciled. Ren. She sprang up and fished her phone out of her bag.

 

> _M. Niijima: Thanks for sacrificing your ramen for mine._  
>  _R. Amamiya: Well, we wound up splitting it in the end. Did you have enough to eat?_  
>  _M. Niijima: Yes. I’m more concerned about you. Is your mouth okay? You probably couldn’t taste anything after eating the “challenge ramen”..._  
>  _R. Amamiya: Yeah, Boss gave me a glass of milk so I’m fine now._  
>  _M. Niijima: That’s good. I was just wondering..._  
>  _Earlier, when we were in Mementos what were you about to say? “See we’re...?”_
> 
>   
>  _R.Amamiya: Oh, that? Well…_  
>  _…_  
>  _We’re similar in that regard._

It made her smile and she hugged her phone to her chest. She kneaded the edge of the sofa with her toes as she typed:

 

> _M. Niijima: Hey, can I call you right now?_  
>  _R. Amamiya: Sure._

His phone rang two seconds after he replied.

“Makoto?”

“Ren, um, do you have a little time to talk?

She sounded a little nervous. He imagined she was brushing her hair back as she was wont to doing whenever she verbalized her thoughts.

“Yeah. What is it?” He kept his voice light and friendly.

“Actually, I meant to tell you sooner and I wanted it to be in person but it was getting late and I’m sure you’re very busy and -”

The speaker crackled with static as she sighed and reined herself in.

“Ren, you came after me. Just saying it isn’t enough, but thank you. If you weren’t there, I’d be-”

“Hey, give yourself some credit. We were in a tough situation and we protected each other and kept each other safe. Right?”

“Yeah.” She closed her eyes and smiled. “Ren, I’m grateful you were with me. In Mementos and in that storm.”

“Anytime.” he said softly.

The silence stretched out between them. Even though they had just been together, Makoto found herself wishing that she could have come with him to Leblanc instead of going straight home, tired as she was. Then again, he was probably tired too and she would just be inconveniencing him.

She chewed on her lower lip. _Do I tell him now? Oh, but, I’ve already taken up a lot of his time._

“Um, when’s our next Mementos mission?”

“Not for awhile,” he groaned. “I need to head to the clinic and get some more medicine. Skull threw away all the Relax Gels when he got brainwashed...”

“Ooh…” she groaned. The irony.

He chuckled.

“Makoto, did you..." 

There was a layer of sternness in his voice coupled with an undercurrent of hesitancy as if he were treading cautiously over a mental minefield spaced between them. She held her breath.

“Never mind. I gotta go help Boss out with the store.”

She exhaled softly. “Okay. Have a good evening. Don’t stay up too late.”

He laughed and it sounded almost pained. “That won’t be a problem. Sleep well.”

The call ended and Ren continued to stare at the screen even after it went black. Then he cleared his crafting station and picked up some recently assembled lockpicks and threw them in a box. Morgana came up the stairs and squeezed through the railing.

“Were you talking to Makoto just now?”

He nodded.

“Were you able to ask her?”

“I couldn’t. I don’t know if she realizes, but she locks up if I try to talk to her about it.”

“You know you can’t keep stalling. What if it gets worse?”

Ren lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “I know. But I want her to be able to come forward on her own. If I push too hard, she’ll try to downplay it or blame herself needlessly and that’s the last thing I want.”

He wiped the lens and pushed his glasses back in place. “I just don’t get it. Both of us were stuck in that part of Mementos. But why was she affected and not me?”

Morgana leapt onto the crafting station. “About that. She asked me something strange today while you guys were fighting.”

“Really.” Ren raised his eyebrows and shifted his weight onto his elbows. “What did she say?”

Morgana relayed their conversation as Ren sat in his chair unmoving, turning over the clues in his mind. At last, he stood and dusted off his jeans. “Okay. I have to go help Boss now. We’ll talk about this some more when I get back.”

Ren trailed his hand along the wall as he went down the stairs. _There’s still time. There aren’t any urgent requests on the Phansite and we’ve successfully completed Futaba’s Palace. Everyone’s busy for the next several days plus I’ve got to help Iwai and Takemi. And if it comes down to it…I’ll go see her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -The placeholder title for this chapter was RAMN. Because if you take Ren Amamiya and Makoto Niijima’s initials and put them together you get “RAMN”! 
> 
> I present to you, the Ramen Pairing! *shot*
> 
> -If you’re curious, the seating arrangement at the ramen shop goes:  
> Makoto|Ann|Ryuji|Yusuke|Ren
> 
> -Punch me. I actually wrote a scenario where Ryuji would use “Ren-Ren”.
> 
> -Tomokazu Sugita: King of the Silver Scream  
> Gintoki eating the Tabasco-drenched parfait, courtesy of Mitsuba inspired the "Challenge Ramen" scene.


	7. Lost My Way From Up and Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanart of Joker and Queen all dressed up for a casino heist/date reminds me Firo and Ennis of Baccano!
> 
> Specifically, the cruise ship arc in the light novels.

Front strike, right. Kick. Front strike, left.

_You missed. You didn’t even land a single hit on those Shadows._

Thrust. Kick. Side strike.

_Everyone had to follow up for you. Things might have turned out worse if he didn’t have you stand down._

Breathe in. Breathe out.

_At this rate, you’re just going to freeze up again. And then he’ll get severely injured. Protecting someone like you._

Just breathe. Focus.

_No! I won’t drag the team down! I won’t be a burden!_

_I just need to...I need to..._

Makoto knelt on the floor. Her thoughts were in disarray. The peace that normally came from practicing Aikido eluded her.

A few days had passed and the nightmares no longer haunted her dreams but now loomed over her in the waking hours of the day. When the exterior lights to the wing of her apartment failed to turn on, she made a mad dash for the door, jostling the keys in the lock, fearing she would be trapped in the dark hallway. The tumblers shifted, the door cracked open, and she collapsed on the floor of the living room, breathing hard. In the unlit rooms and dark corners of her bedroom, she glimpsed her father’s prone, lifeless body. She slept with the lights on and distracted herself with busy work so she would fall asleep quickly but woke up exhausted.

She rubbed her temples and brought her knees up against her abdomen. She shifted her weight to the side and her head thudded heavily against the wall.

“Why?” Her face scrunched up in frustration. “Why can’t I shake this?”

If the inner peace she sought could not be found in her regular routine, perhaps it was time for an alternative or two. She needed something that would give her energy. Something that could help her regain focus and sort out her jumbled thoughts.

She wiped the sweat from her brow as her thoughts gravitated towards a certain cozy cafe that served good coffee. And someone to talk to.

* * *

She took a deep breath and entered Leblanc. Ren looked up from his dish washing.

“Makoto?”

“Ren. I, um.” She paused trying to form the right words.

He dried his hands on his apron, walked over, rested his hands in his pockets, and waited for her to continue, inquiring with a smile.

“I, I thought I’d take you up on your coffee offer.”

He tilted his head.

“You said you’d make fresh coffee to make up for last time when the power...went out?”

“Oh,” he blinked. Then nodded. “Oh, sure.”

“Hey, I’m closing up now. Lock the door behind me, would you?” called Sojiro.

“Oh, Sakura-san, good evening.” said Makoto. “If you’re closing up I can come back tomorrow.”

Sojiro greeted Makoto and looked at both of them. He smiled knowingly. “It’s fine, Niijima-san. You’ve been helping him study lately, haven’t you? You deserve a cup for each of those study sessions.”

“Oh, I haven’t been doing much. I just give some pointers. I mean, Ren’s been working hard.” She tucked her hair behind her ear.

“Working hard, eh? He certainly seems motivated.”

Ren took this moment to straighten one of the chairs and pushed it back into place. Its legs scrapped on the wooden flooring, masking the sound of him quietly clearing his throat. Sojiro only raised an eyebrow and shrugged. Then he turned to Ren.

“Be sure to take her back afterwards.” he said.

“I will,” Ren responded politely.

Sojiro grabbed his hat and jacket. “Well, I’m off.”

 

As soon as Ren flipped the sign to “Closed” he switched to barista mode, charming smile and all. “Well, ma’am what can I get for you?”

She lifted a dainty hand to her mouth and giggled. “What do you recommend, Mr. Barista?”

“Please, call me Ren, and might I suggest Jamaican Blue Mountain? A favorite among our customers. Or Hawaiian Kona? It has a rich flavor, bright acidity, and a complex aroma. Or perhaps Guatemalan SHB (that’s Strictly Hard Bean by the way) known for its fruity, chocolate flavor, if you’re so inclined?” he said with a flourish, gesturing to the assortment of coffee beans.

“They all sound very intriguing, Mr. Baris-, Ren, but I’ll go with the first one you suggested?” she replied with a laugh.

“Jamaican Blue Mountain it is! Please, have a seat!”

Ren meticulously weighed the coffee beans and water (to achieve the perfect ratio, he explained), set the kettle to boil at precisely 96.11 degrees Celsius and ground the beans down to a fine texture, resembling coarse sand. He brought out a drip coffee maker and deftly poured filtered water over the ground coffee in small circular motions. Makoto sat with her hands folded in her lap, impressed by his dexterity and coffee expertise. In about five minutes time, the coffee was ready. He slid a cup over to Makoto. “Enjoy.”

“Thank you.” She breathed in the rich aroma, blew on the liquid’s surface, then took a sip. Ren watched her expectantly.

Her face brightened. “You were right. Having it fresh makes a whole world of difference.”

Ren beamed and from underneath the counter he pumped his fist in self-congratulation.

“I’m glad you like it.” He picked up the coffee pot and leftover filters. “Hey, I’m gonna clean up a bit first, then I’ll join you. That okay?”

“Oh, do you need any help?”

“No, I got this. You relax. I won’t take long.”

“Okay.” She set the cup down on the saucer, watching the steam rise, swirl, and dissipate into the air. He really knew how to put her at ease. The boy who was so patient and considerate with her and listened to her troubles. Ren wasn’t the talkative type, but when he did speak, it was usually coherent, thought out, and most of all, helpful. And because of that, Makoto found him trustworthy. She ran a finger along the rim of the cup and smiled at these thoughts.

Ren returned from drying coffee mugs, towel over his shoulder, and it was on his lips to tease her but the sight of a pensive Makoto made him pause. He leaned against the door frame, watching her with a thoughtful look on his face. She was holding the cup to her lips but not drinking. The steam caused droplets to form on her eyelashes. He resisted the urge to wipe them away.

His phone vibrated. Hearing Ren’s phone snapped Makoto out of her thoughts and she realized her silence was likely making things awkward.

“Um, do you need to get that?”

“No,” he glanced at his phone. “It’s just Ryuji. See? Wants to know if I can hang out. I’ll just say, ‘Later’.” He sent the text then pocketed his phone.

“I mean, I don’t want to keep you -”

“You didn’t come here just for coffee, did you?” he asked mildly.

She dropped her gaze. “No.” she answered quietly.

He leaned on the counter. “Can you tell me what’s on your mind?”

She pursed her lips unsure of where to begin.

He folded the towel and set it aside. “Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask y-”

“Don’t be mad, okay?” she blurted.

His heart twinged at how stressed she sounded. She hunched her shoulders and shrank into her chair. Ren now fully saw how haggard, how grim she looked, as if she was held up by strings of tension that could snap at any moment.

“Yeah,” he said as calmly as he could. “Okay.”

In a small voice she said, “I’m thinking I should take a break from the Phantom Thieves.”

Ren’s eyes widened and quickly came around the counter and took a seat next to her. “What do you mean?” He managed to keep his voice calm though alarm flashed across his eyes.

Makoto clutched her hands and shuddered. Her mouth was dry as she tried to speak.

He folded his hands in front of him. “I won’t get mad. I just want to understand.”

Makoto gulped down some coffee and tried again. “You saw how ineffective I was the last time we fought. I lost control over myself when I kept missing and then I froze up in the middle of battle, all because I can’t shake these nightmares. I’m scared, Ren. I’m scared I won’t be able to assist you guys and someone will get hurt because of that.”

Ren sat unblinking over his own coffee cup, his own reflection solemnly staring up at him, processing all Makoto had said. _Stay calm,_ he told himself. _Don’t rush her, don’t drive her away._

“That’s why I just can’t, won’t...fight. Right now, while I’m like this, I’d only be a liability in battle.” She slid off the chair. Her mind reeled, fearing what he might say, how he would react. _Did you just come here to excuse your own cowardice? Pathetic._

She was tempted to bolt for the door but that meant she would have to get around Ren first.

She began edging her way around him. “That’s why, um, I should stay away, at least for now. Until I get over this.”

“Wait…” he murmured.

“S-sorry for bothering you. You guys will be fine without me...” She was ten paces away from the door when she heard Ren slide off his seat.

“Please don’t say you’ll leave,” he implored. “Not when we haven’t tried anything.”

She stopped. Even now he was being so gentle with her, just like when she nearly fell into despair in Mementos.

He came closer until he was only a couple steps behind her. “Makoto, you came here because you wanted to talk, right? I said I’d hear you out. So please, could you tell me what’s bothering you?”

She slowly turned around. Anxiety clouded her eyes. He laid a warm hand on her upper arm. She relaxed a little. “I promise you, I won’t get mad and I won’t tell anyone. This stays between us. I just want to help.”

She only exhaled a small, shaky breath. He kept his hand on her arm. "And if you still want to take a break after this, that's fine. It's your decision."

“ _No!_ ” The word jumped out of her mouth like a frightened cat. His hand jerked back and fell away. But he stood firm, carefully watching her movements, waiting for the right moment to calm her.

“It’s just for when we need to fight! But I’ll continue to advise us on team battles and strategies whenever we have meetings. And um, I can coordinate those meetings and whenever we need to gather at our hideout spots and also, also...” she babbled, waving her hands frantically. She shrank away from him. “I can still be useful-”

“Makoto.” The torrent of words stopped. “Makoto, you’re doing it again.” he chided gently.

“Doing- Doing what?”

He shook his head gently and stepped closer till the tips of their shoes were nearly toe-to-toe. It was painful whenever he saw her struggle with her need to feel useful whenever she was around people. The inner turmoil caused by how much she based her worth on her merits or else be condemned as defective, indolent, unable to survive in this world - a harsh truth ingrained into her since adolescence. “This isn’t about what you do or how much you do. That’s not important right now. And yet, you’re worrying over finding a way to benefit others when you should be taking care of yourself.”

Carefully, he laid both hands on her shoulders. She did not shy away. “I want you to know you’re an important friend. I’m not angry and I won’t be, no matter what you say. Something’s got you really upset and I want to help you through that. But I can’t help unless I understand what you’re going through, okay?”

She lowered her hands to her sides and nodded, bringing a brief smile to Ren’s face. “Come on.”

He had her sit back down. “Something happened during the time we were stuck in Mementos, didn’t it?”

Makoto gritted her teeth. “A little before that.”

He frowned slightly, thinking back to the sudden earthquake in Mementos. “When you were holding off those Shadows?”

“When I was fighting…when the Shadows disappeared, I heard them cry out in my father’s voice. And mine begging them to stop.” she said in a strained whisper.

He thought of how distraught she was during the thunderstorm when she told him what the storm made her remember. His eyes widened. “That’s when your nightmares came back.”

She nodded. “Ever since we fell into the depths of Mementos, I’ve had this fear at the back of my mind that I just can’t seem to shake. Every time we fought Shadows, I kept hearing the voices from my nightmares.”

“I thought so.”

They both looked up to see Morgana come down the stairs.

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but we’re worried about you.” He walked between their chairs and jerked his head towards Ren. “I told him what you asked me - about the Shadow’s voices. We were trying to figure out what’s causing this.”

“And why it’s only affecting you.” Ren added.

She looked at Morgana and sighed. “You said it’s because I’m letting my fears get to me. I know it’s just an illusion and I tried to ignore it but every time, the voices, my memories, it overwhelmed me. So if I don’t go to Mementos for a while then maybe...”

“No. I don’t think this will go away on its own.” Ren stood up. “If this started in Mementos, then we need to take down the source. And quickly.”

He drew out his phone and looked at both Makoto and Morgana. “Let’s go to Mementos. Right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -I know next to nothing about coffee. I didn’t even know what method Ren used to brew coffee let alone the many coffee bean options. Once again it was time to do research! It was fun reading P5’s coffee and curry trivia (Big thanks for putting it together Redditors!). Next was reading about the various methods of making coffee. I initially wrote Ren using a French Press but then I learned he uses the “drip method”. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong about the drip coffee process.
> 
> -Originally, I had Ren resume his barista “persona” when Makoto compliments him on the fresh cup of coffee. He’d spout something florid like “it pleases me well that you find the coffee to your liking, madam” but then I thought, no, he’s incredibly happy that she likes his coffee. Let’s have him be honest.
> 
> -Let Me Explain! https://www.reddit.com/r/Persona5/comments/7xulg3/let_me_explain_sojiros_coffee_and_curry_trivia/


	8. You Were There to Remind Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently reading the latest P5 manga - Mementos Mission by Rokuro Saito.
> 
> It's an original story that opens with Ren and Morgana visiting Ann for her photo shoot when suddenly, right before their eyes, the modeling agency's president convulses and is wheeled away in an ambulance. The prime suspect for the attempted murder via poison? Mika.
> 
> Thus, the game is on to clear Mika's name with the help of a certain detective. But the Phantom Thieves must be on their guard if they are to seek his help and avoid suspicion.
> 
> Then on a group shopping trip, some weirdo (purposely?) crashes into Makoto causing them both to drop their shopping bags. To Makoto's shock and surprise, she discovers she's got an expensive and gaudy bracelet instead of her limited edition Buchimaru merchandise. With Haru's help identifying the gems, the Thieves are determined to return the bracelet to its rightful owner, but agree to proceed with caution. Ann mischievously pops it on Makoto's right wrist. And it gets stuck...  
> Ren personally brings her to Untouchables and has her hide the bracelet while she waits for Iwai to procure the tools to remove it. He also strikes a deal with Iwai (i.e Iwai's confidant arc). Meanwhile someone appears to be spying on certain members of the Phantom Thieves...
> 
> Also there seems to be some unspoken rule where Ren must show off a minimum of one of his maxed social stats per chapter be it his Debonair Charm or his Lionhearted Guts.
> 
> I actually wouldn't mind seeing an anime adaption or maybe a Drama CD.

Joker crouched low, edging along the walls. He espied a wraithlike Shadow blocking the entrance to the tunnel a couple meters ahead. Queen rested her forearm on his knee and peeked around the corner.

“Sorry, Queen.” he grimaced. “Looks like we’re gonna have to take this one out.”

When they entered Mementos, Joker hypothesized the manifestation of her fears came from that mysterious floor they fell into. If they could locate the source and defeat it, Queen would be free from this ailment and her nightmares would stop. He asked Mona to lead them there, stealth taking priority. They would avoid all unnecessary battles to conserve energy. Joker was glad he had stocked up on medicine the day before, though the latest batch of experimental concoctions Takemi had him ingest was especially brutal.

Queen readied herself into position, ignoring the sense of dread numbing her body, coercing her to turn tail and run. As one approached their hiding place...

“I’ll unmask you!” Joker leapt out and tore the mask off the Shadow’s face. It writhed and contorted before splitting into three Pixies.

Joker assumed his usual fighting stance, knife at the ready. “Let’s take care of this fast!”

Queen put up her fists but her muscles tensed up and her mind was foggy. Darkness clouded her vision and her brass knuckles felt unwieldy and foreign in her hands. She squinted. _I have to keep it together. I have to cover Joker. But..._

She saw one of the Pixies flit towards her. She blindly lashed out with her fists. The Beguiling Girl tittered as it circled around and dived-bombed at Queen’s exposed back.

“No, you don’t!” Joker drew his pistol and shot the Pixie out of the air. Out of his periphery, he saw the other come for him and quickly shot it down with a flick of his wrist.

The Pixies screamed and faded away.

_“Don’t go.”_

_“Don’t...leave.”_

_Why?_ Queen covered her ears. _Father, what do I do?_

The remaining Pixie fired her attack but Joker dodged and swiftly brought his knife down on her.

The battle was over. Queen stared despondently at her boots, swaying back and forth.

“I’m sorry Joker, I don’t think I can do this.” She crossed her arms, feeling nauseated.

Joker frowned. A dark haze appeared to be seething around Queen. She gripped her arms tightly. She shut her eyes in frustration and choked back a sob. “Why---”

“Hold on.” He put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around. She was trying not to shake. He summoned Mandrake. “Energy Drop.” Then for good measure, he gave Queen a Relax Gel.

Queen’s shoulders drooped as if a heavy burden had rolled off her back. She blinked and looked at her hands. Her sight was clear and for the first time in a long time, stability.

“Oh…” she sighed in relief and sagged forward. Her hair brushed his chin as she sank her head onto his shoulder. Joker held still, one hand hovering over her back, prepared to support her full weight if needed.

“H-how do you feel now?”

“Better.” She raised her head and watched as the Mandrake disperse into blue tongues of flame, reabsorbed into Joker’s mask. “Was I cursed with Fear? Or Despair?”

Mona folded his arms. “If you ask me, that was Fear. An extreme case from the looks of it. Somehow, you harbored it and it grew to this extent.”

“Then all this time, my nightmares...the Shadow’s voices...” She balled her fists. “Was because of this ailment?”

Mona’s eyes widened. “That curse stuck to you for days. How did you not collapse from it? No - how did we not notice!?”

“I didn’t realize it myself.” She winced. “I thought my own fears were the cause and the Shadows were using them against me…”

“Queen, this whole time you’ve been- How did you-” Joker looked at her in bewilderment. His face fell and his bangs swept over his mask. “I’m sorry. I was negligent. I should have asked you sooner.”

Her heart twisted seeing how dejected he looked. “No, I was…you’re fine.”

Joker exhaled slowly. A mix of fatigue and relief was starting to set in his bones. He was glad that Queen seemed like herself again and they didn’t have to plunge into the depths. They all needed rest, he knew. But first...

“Mona, which way to the nearest Safe Room?”

* * *

 Joker asked Mona to give him and Queen a few minutes in private. Mona decided to keep a lookout for enemies and transformed into the Monamobile, parking by the train tracks. “Don’t take too long.” he cautioned. “The second I hear chains, we’re booking it.”

Queen sat in one of the station chairs looking mostly relaxed save for the hint of unease behind her eyes. Joker leaned against one of the glass panels ran his fingers through his hair. She gave him a small smile and fidgeted with the mask in her hands. He spoke first.

“I can’t believe you were bearing something like this on your own. Why didn’t you say something?” His tone was neither accusatory nor critical but Queen still felt a pang of guilt strike her core.

She pressed her mouth into a thin line. “Is this the part where you yell at me?”

He clicked his tongue and removed his mask. “Would yelling at you help?” he asked slowly.

She glanced from him to the row of seats in front of her, then shook her head slightly.

“Right. So.” He sat across from her and crossed his legs. “Help me out here, Queen. You kept this from us. Were you planning on handling this on your own?”

“Well, yes. I mean, you all are dealing with your own troubles. I didn’t want to impinge on you any more than I already have. I just...don’t want to be a burden.”

“A burden,” he repeated.

“I didn’t mean to hide it. Really. I just thought, before I became even more of a liability, I needed to fix this on my own. That’s why I told you I wanted to take a break from the Phantom Thieves, poorly phrased as it was. I apologize for that. That was unsightly of me.”

He merely shook his head and raised his hand, gesturing for her to continue. She took a breath before explaining:

“I would temporarily be unable to fight but I could at least contribute by attending our meetings and formulate strategies for us and-”

“And if you couldn’t do that, were you afraid you’d be sidelined? Or kicked out? What did you think was going to happen?”

She clutched her mask and ran her thumbs along the grooves of the eyeholes. “You were counting on me. And if I couldn’t help, rather than drag everyone down it’d be better if I stayed away.” she said quietly.

“You know that’s not how we operate.” He gave her a half smile. “Your being here isn’t solely determined by your responsibilities in the team nor by what you have to offer.”

He knelt before her with his arm propped on one knee. His coattails trailed behind him like a royal mantle.

“Queen, you’re our friend and our teammate and you have a place here. If one of us is struggling, we help each other out. I know before, you handled things by yourself because you had to. But it’s different now, right? You’re not alone. Not anymore.”

His voice exuded confidence. His words gave her courage and filled her with determination. She would not yield to her fears; She would face them. And if Ren was by her side, well, that made it all the more reassuring.

_Have you found your resolve to fight?_

His voice took on a softer tone. “So, please don’t hide something like this again. You can tell us when you’re worried about something.”

She closed her eyes taking in his words.

“It’s a bad habit of mine. The more critical the situation, the less I want to rely on others.” She sighed quietly. “Growing up, I learned to rely on myself. I thought it made me strong and mature, not needing to ask for help.”

Then she squatted beside him resting her hands on her knees. He blinked as if surprised but said nothing.

“But whenever I confided in you, I did feel better. More so than when I was dealing with it on my own. But if I kept dumping my problems on you, it would be like I was taking advantage of your kindness.”

“No, you wouldn’t. I said you could rely on me more and I meant it.” He smiled kindly. “It goes both ways. You can confide in me and I in you. Yeah?”

“Yes.” She no longer doubted, knowing full well she could trust him. She placed her mask on her head. “Um, about telling the others…”

He shook his head. “That’s up to you. I already promised you that what you’ve told me stays between us. But I hope you can, when you’re ready. They were just as worried as I was, you know.”

Queen smiled to herself. According to Mona, Joker was the worrywart of the team despite his laissez-faire style of leadership. Everyone else acted footloose and fancy-free in comparison.

She nodded. “Yes. I know Ann was. I think I can start with telling her, at least.”

“Right. Just remember, it’s okay to take your time.” He rose and held out his hand. “Shall we go?”

She slipped her hand into his. “Joker?” she asked as he helped her up. “Would you accompany me for one more thing? I want to try fighting another Shadow and see if they’re really gone.”

His fingers closed around hers. “Alright.”

She squeezed back. “Thank you.”

They left the Safe Room together. Joker waved at the Monamobile. “Thanks for waiting, Mona.”

Mona yawned. “Have a good chat you two?”

“Yes. Thank you, Mona. I appreciate you bringing us here.” said Queen.

“No problem. Blech, it’s so dusty here. Tell me we're leaving soon. I request a thorough brushing immediately!”

Queen laughed. “I’ll brush you plenty after one more battle. Just hang in there!”

***

While driving towards the upper levels of Mementos, they discovered a chest lying in a dead end. “I’ve just the thing for this,” Joker said whipping out a lockpick. Queen peered over his shoulder, rocking side to side as he turned the lock and pumped her fist in excitement at the contents. Joker seemed pretty pleased himself. He brought a hand to his chin, smiling at the possibilities of crafting and weapon upgrades. They both whipped around and climbed into the Monamobile.

“Heads up guys! Shadow approaching!” Mona yelled.

A bedraggled marsh horse shambled towards them. It rallied two more to its side with mournful whinny.  

Joker whisked off his mask. “White Rider!” It flashed forth and swiftly felled two of the horses.

Queen felt her old strength return as she lifted her brass knuckles and assumed an upright stance.

“I can get a hit in!” she called.

He grinned widely. “Go for it.” They switched positions, exchanging a sharp high-five that resounded through the chambers of Mementos.

Queen lunged at the remaining Marsh Horse. “Take _THAT_!” She executed a right cross followed by an uppercut. Her strikes were fierce and solid. Its hooves scrapped the ground as it toppled over and she finished it off with her revolver.

The Shadows shrieked as they faded away. Queen could still hear their pained cries but they no longer were tied to her memories. She turned towards Joker.

“Thank you for helping me fight.” She took a deep breath. “These bad memories of mine probably won’t fade no matter how many years pass.”

Joker opened his mouth but she continued. “I’ve realized, they’re a part of me - the part of me that feels weak and helpless. It was painful to remember, and I would shut it out in favor of focusing on the present, on helping Sis and being a dependable person for the adults and my peers. I thought as long as I kept busy, working towards higher education, I was moving forward with my life. But I was fooling myself.”

“Will you be alright?”

“I vowed to never lose heart again. If I retract now I’d be doing exactly that.” She smiled at him and he could see a newfound resolve in her eyes. “But if I do, you’ll pull me back from the brink, won’t you?”

He stepped closer. “Of course. I’d be lost without my team strategist.”

“And I’ll do the same. If you’re in a difficult situation, I’ll be there for you.” She too, took a tiny step closer.

They held each other’s gaze until Mona pointedly cleared his throat and suggested leaving before more Shadows swarmed them.

 

They exited Mementos and ducked into a narrow alley, hidden in the tall shadows of some dusty wooden crates. Ren grinned from ear-to-ear over the amount of yen they reaped. “This is perfect. Now we have enough to buy more supplies for Mementos missions or the next Palace.”

Makoto put a hand to her chin. “You handle most of the shopping right, Ren?”

“Pretty much.” he replied, running the numbers in his head.

“If you’d like, I could help out the next time you make a trip.”

He shouldered his bag. “I’d like that. Want me to walk you to the station?”

“I’ll be fine. You should get going though. Your shift starts soon, right?” She smiled and tucked her hair back. “But thanks for offering.”

He took a step out of the alley then suddenly stopped and laughed. She came beside him and tilted her head. “It’s funny how things worked out.” he said, scratching his cheek. “If you didn’t come to Leblanc today, I was planning to go see you. See ya.”

And with that he ran off. She waved goodbye ignoring the budding tightness in her chest and her rapidly accelerating heartbeat. Even as he disappeared into the crowds she could still spot his frizzy hair among the masses.

Once again, he had left her with an overwhelming sense of peace. She lowered her eyelids and folded her hands over her chest, letting the feeling envelop her.

_I don’t have to fight alone anymore. I have a place where I can be myself. I won’t forget that._

_Thank you, Ren. I promise I won't take these things for granted._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -The idea came to me wanting to explore Makoto's fear of the dark combined with her father's passing which would culminate in Ren working with her to overcome her insecurities of being a burden and learning it's okay to depend on someone. While all her fears can't be instantly solved with one battle, it's a work in progress, a step in the right direction. Best of all she knows she doesn't have to go about it alone. 
> 
> -The basis of the plot was further developed by a few of the Mementos Skits.  
> Namely, "Your fears are getting the best of you. The Shadows will take advantage of that." and "Is this the sound of wind…? Or does it sound more like people…?". 
> 
> -At the start of writing this story, it was a toss up between Fear and Despair. Also I was going to have the Reaper curse her but...the Reaper can't do that. But other Shadows can, thus the volley of ailments wrought upon poor Queen in Chapter 1. Yikes.
> 
> -I even considered a mix of the two. Double yikes.
> 
> -Despair's pretty depressing: Unable to take actions while your SP drains and then dying in three turns. Triple yikes.
> 
> -Remember when the brainwashed Skull tossed those Relax Gels? Double irony right there.
> 
> -I like how [Queen](https://nekketsunikki.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/persona-5-makoto-corner-hiding.jpg) uses Joker's thigh as an armrest when they're [hiding](https://nekketsunikki.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/persona-5-makoto-joker-corner-hiding.jpg). It's rather intimate.
> 
> -Also that treasure chest opening [animation](https://youtu.be/udYP375qHao?t=1h17s) never gets old.


	9. Thoughts Conveyed, Hearts Connected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I had to choose one place to visit out of all the real life locations Persona 5 has so meticulously recreated, it's Inokashira Park. I love the way the sunbeams stream through the trees all decked out in vibrant and warm shades of autumn, the lanterns strewn on the wooden fence (which were added in the game for ambiance), and the overall tranquil atmosphere. Plus the Ghibli Museum's there.

The train doors flew open and Makoto stepped onto the grated subway platform, rubbing her hands together. A mass of students toting Phantom Thief merchandise, drowsy office workers, and housewives keeping a sharp eye on their boisterous children, swarmed around her as they filed in and out the train. She heard something moderately heavy fall to her left and when she saw it was a parcel belonging to an elderly lady, she quickly stooped to pick it up for her. She handed it back to the elderly woman and helped her on the train, gladdened by the sight of a young girl, no more than twelve years of age, offering her seat to “granny”.

Ren had invited her shopping, this time to a certain airsoft shop tucked away in a narrow alley off Shibuya Central Street. The Surly Manager informed him he “got a new model in that was really hard to get ahold of” and Ren thought it was high time for an upgrade.

Their shopping trips together was becoming a regular thing and she enjoyed browsing and sampling wares with him. The first few trips began sporadically in August when he asked if she wanted to help stock up on convenience store consumables and grew more frequent after their trip together to Book Town in Jinbocho. There was even one time, on a scorching summer day, they just happened to be at the same store, looking for the same item that had gone missing from the shelves. This turned into an impromptu search-and-locate shopping mission and together, they wound up browsing the isles longer than they would have, had they been alone.

Sometimes she would purposely ask him about a piece of merchandise just so he would turn her way. Her heart would beat a mite faster when he leaned closer to inspect the item in her hand. She found herself holding her breath when he would carefully take the item in question out of her hands, his slim fingers millimeters from hers.

He seemed to do the same thing. He would bring different products over to her, asking for her opinion and expressed his appreciation for her advice, for someone to bounce ideas off of. Every time he consulted her, a light smile would play upon his lips and the merriment behind his eyes would make the plastic bags she hauled in both fists feel that much lighter. Once, on the train ride home, he had jokingly said she was more helpful than Morgana to which Morgana shot back that he did help. With appraising treasure at least.

 

Makoto skipped the escalator, opting for the stairs that led straight up to downtown Shibuya. She passed a long line of people, mostly comprised of Shujin students and Phantom Thief bandwagoners waiting impatiently to buy Phantom Wafers. She briskly crossed the Station Square and spotted Ren who was engaging with a middle aged Man in a Suit.

“Stand firm in what you believe in and never lose sight of your goals. That’s what I’ll do. And remember, if you ever find yourself in harm’s way on your journey, I will be there to help you.” Ren nodded politely, thanked him, and said goodbye. When he saw Makoto he hurried over to her.

“That was Toranosuke Yoshida. He’s a politician I help campaign for on occasion.” he explained.

“He seems to have a lot of conviction.” she said thoughtfully.

They began walking towards Central Street.

“I thought the same thing when I first heard him speak.” he said as they wove through the semi-crowded streets.

They saw the Unyielding Politician reach out to passersby in front of the Teikyu Building, imploring them to resist complacency and take action for the sake of Japan’s future. Some stopped to listen, many others walked right by, absorbed in their own little world.

Makoto smiled in admiration. “You’re always helping people.”

“It’s mutual. Yoshida in particular has been helping me with my public speaking skills. Last time -”

“ **Out of the way!** ” Four men in dark suits tromped urgently down the street, shoving people aside. In the middle of the group, marched a bald man who carried himself with the air of a pompous demagogue, giving no regard for the people around him. Ren and Makoto barely moved to the side in time. Ren shifted himself in front of Makoto and subtly raised his arm, shielding her from the haughty bodyguards, who elbowed any unfortunate civilian too slow to move out of the way in time.

“Make way! Make way! We’re in a hurry!” they bellowed.

“I’m very sorry, sir!” whined a simpering subordinate, bowing repeatedly as he walked. “Next time I’ll triple, no quadruple check your calendar!”

“Incompetent buffoon!” he barked. “I should have been at my next appointment by now! I can’t afford to be behind schedule!” The man fumed, tapping his foot impatiently for his car to arrive. A limo pulled around the corner and screeched to a halt. The driver hastily ran out and opened the passenger door. The man boarded and pointed a stern finger at his subordinate. “I ought to wallop you outright. You’ll _pay_ for this!”

Upon hearing those words, Ren frowned. His stomach lurched and his head felt heavy. _Not again._ He thought he had steeled himself after encountering a certain Distinguished Man at the Wilton Hotel elevator. He put a hand to his forehead willing the anxiety to pass.

“Ren? Are you okay?” asked Makoto, face full of concern.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. My head just hurts all of a sudden.”

“You should probably sit down then. Why don’t we go...” She quickly looked around for a quiet place away from prying eyes. Inokashira Park. It was about a block away. “...To the park? It’s just a short walk that way, okay?”

Ren nodded mutely and followed her. The day was drawing close to evening and fortunately, there weren’t very many people. Those who did pass by walked at a brisk pace, eyes glued to their phones. Makoto found a bench under a grove of zelkova and Japanese maple trees and had Ren sit first. The blue hour descended upon the peaceful park as the street lamps flickered on. They sat in silence, listening to sound of distant fountains and sparrows chittering, flitting to and fro between the trees. A soft breeze blew, causing scarlet maple leaves to flutter around them.

Ren sat slumped over on one end of the bench, with his head hung, staring at his folded hands, his facial expression unreadable. Makoto sat on the opposite end with her hands folded in her lap. She wasn’t entirely sure how to broach the matter but she knew she wanted to understand him. She squeezed her hands and moved half a space closer.

She began cautiously, “Did…did you recognize that man?”

“No, it’s just...his voice reminded me of...of something bad...” he muttered. He pressed his palms to his eyes.

Makoto shook her head and extended one hand towards him. “It’s fine, you don’t have to talk about it, if it makes you uncomfortable.” She steepled her hands. “But I won’t leave you. I’ll stay with you until you feel better. And I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.” She traced tiny circles in the ground with her shoes. “If that’s okay...” she mumbled.

Ren fell silent and Makoto didn’t budge from her spot. His forlorn expression made her want to bring his head to rest in the crook of her neck and console him. _But is that what he needs? What can you do for him right now? What are the right words that will bring him comfort?_ _The right words..._

Then she remembered. She was fourteen years old again, sniffling and clutching the hem of her dress, asking her father for advice about helping a friend who failed her high school entrance exams due to being hospitalized for a chronic condition. Officer Niijima set down his newspaper and turned his chair so that he was face to face with his daughter. _Addressing someone’s suffering with instant answers isn’t the best approach don’t you think? You’re a compassionate girl and I know you want others to be happy. But if you want to help someone, consider silence before speech, empathy before explanations, and most of all, be patient with their pain. Remember Makoto, showing compassion is something you must put into practice daily if your objective is..._

“So that you can encourage them and try to take away their grief.”

He raised his head, bewildered. “What...?”

“Oh, it’s something my father used to say about helping people. About being compassionate and understanding. Ha, there I go again, talking about my past.”

He gave her a rueful grin and propped himself up against the bench. “Remember when I told you why I’m living in Leblanc’s attic?”

“You were falsely accused of assaulting a man which resulted in your probation,” she began.

“That’s the gist of it but can I tell you what really happened that night?”

She folded her hands in her lap, giving him her full attention. She nodded and waited.

Ren began telling her how that day he had to go home early when he heard a man and a woman arguing. He saw a woman with a torn blouse, struggling against a drunk man forcing her into his car. He told her how desperate she looked when she pleaded for him to help. And then how shocked he was when the police arrived and dragged him away without question. What shocked him even more was when the woman averted her eyes, testifying that _he_ suddenly attacked the man when all he did was attempt to pull the drunk man away from the woman, who then subsequently lost his balance and hit his head on the sidewalk. He clenched his fists as he told her how empty and disillusioned he felt towards the justice system when the courts ruled the case as guilty and the shame and disgrace he brought on his family. Then finally, how isolated and dejected he was when he was shipped off to live with a grumpy cafe owner for a year with nothing but his Shujin uniform, his phone, and a few boxes of clothes and basic utilities. Makoto listened intently, taking in every detail, empathizing with Ren’s bitterness and frustration.

“That’s terrible!” She had given that exact sentiment the first time she visited Leblanc and learned of Ren’s situation. Only now, after hearing him recount his side of the story in full, she meant it even more. She frowned and shook her head bitterly. “That was unjust - you were just trying to save her; the courts should have ruled that as self-defense! I - when I become a police commissioner, I’ll fight against the lawlessness in our society. I’ll defend those who fell victim to the corruption in the justice system.”

She looked at him directly. “Ren, you’ve suffered so much injustice, more than I’ll ever know. But even so, I believe you did the right thing. Furthermore, from what I can see, you chose to live above your circumstances instead of under them, which allowed you to help so many people.”

“I’m sure you’ll become a good cop.” he said simply. He was moved. She believed him without any doubts nor did she question his side of the story. Tension released its hold from the pit of his stomach and the color returned to his face. “Thanks. For believing me.”

She shook her head sadly. “I have to apologize to you though. Before we met, I dismissed you as a delinquent when I heard those rumors and didn’t stop to think that they might not be true.”

Ren moved a little closer to her. “And now?”

“Now?” Makoto forced herself to stay in place, to maintain eye contact with him, trying to force her heartbeat to calm down, _no she wanted this._ She took a deep breath.

“You’re our dependable leader and I trust you. You’re always encouraging me when I’m unsure of myself and you helped me discover the goal I wish to pursue. I also want to support you in the same way.” Makoto inched a little closer bringing their shoulders a hair’s breadth apart from each other. She saw longing in his eyes, pressing for more, and her thoughts overflowed with everything she wanted to tell him. “And, and you’ve changed my perspective on so many things. And you continue to do so.” She held his gaze and faced him fully now.

Ren smiled and cupped her face with both hands. “It’s the same for me.” he whispered. Then he kissed her, slowly, gently, as if he waited all this time to cherish this moment with her and only her.

As she closed her eyes and leaned into the kiss, a surge of newfound emotions flooded her. Elation and bliss crossed with a sense of wonder. That the boy she respected, the boy who had become so important to her would hold her like this, kiss her like this.

***

“Makoto,” he said softly. He caressed her cheeks with his thumbs, his fingers traced her jawline, weaving into her hair. Makoto sighed, closed her eyes, and melted into his touch.

As his fingers traveled down the back of her neck she tilted her head up and peered at him through eyes half-closed. He had a warm expression on his face, gazing at her like she was the most precious being in his world. His touch told her he treasured her. Her heart swelled and reverberated in her chest. Never had she dreamed someone would look at her in this way. That someone would regard her as special as he did right now. She bowed her head and pressed her hands against his.

“So that’s what a kiss feels like.” she murmured.

“Hmm?”

She grinned and bumped her nose against his. “Now I know I don’t want to do this with anyone else but you.”

Ren blushed and smiled sheepishly. “Mmm, me too,” he mumbled. Then he leaned in and closed the distance between them again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Afterword: After reciprocating their feelings, they begin to walk out of Inokashira Park whereupon, Ren takes Makoto’s hand. She’s a little bashful that they might be seen so Ren tells her, “Just until we leave the park.” to which she replies, “But then, that will make me want to stay in the park for a little longer...”.  
> *cue simultaneous blushing*
> 
> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> _We were strangers, starting out on a journey_  
>  _Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through_  
>  _Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing_  
>  _[At the beginning](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nV3WvlqRwdI) with you_
> 
> |P5 Hero/Protagonist and Makoto|Akira and Makoto|Ren and Makoto|Infamous Transfer Student and Student Council President|Team Leader and Strategist|[Cop and Robber](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10593825/chapters/23419080)|Fool and Priestess|Joker and Queen|
> 
> -I love that they both have a strong sense of justice and how Makoto was able to improve herself with the protagonists's help and how through Eiko's situation she realizes the blessings in her own life. Her education becomes purposeful, a means to an end instead of merely being the end itself, a stepping stone on the path she wants to take. 
> 
> \- To quote Gintoki, "Ironic, isn't it? How people without truly important things know about them more than those who have them."
> 
> -I like the way Makoto consults him both in and out of the Metaverse and the way they support each other (Notice how Queen always asks Joker for his thoughts in the Mementos skits. :D). I like the bond of trust they share that becomes pivotal during the Casino heist. The majority of the plan is hers and he bets his life on it. Then in the deep, dark, depths of Mementos, when all seems lost, Joker helps Queen regain her resolve and her will to fight.
> 
> \- “Supporting her dream to become a police commissioner, you hold her close as your lover...” Probably the most intimate description among the nine love interests.
> 
> \- “I think of the Red Ranger as being the obvious leader, with a steady brow and sparkling eyes. The Blue Ranger, on the other hand, stands silently by the Red Ranger's side, often at an angle, ready to back his leader up with an equal level of skill.” -Soejima’s take on why Yu would be the Blue Ranger but this also fits the dynamic between Joker and Queen.  
> And which Featherman suit does Ren and Makoto wear in P5: Dancing Star Night? Red and Blue respectively. Okay, Makoto's Featherman suit is more of an indigo but the point still stands.
> 
> -Ren describing his POV of that night reflected some of my feelings when I first saw that scene unfold. I was shocked and disgusted but intrigued by all the injustice the protagonist experienced even though he did the right thing. Obviously the trial was rigged, the policemen were probably paid off, and I figured the woman was covering for herself but still it was infuriating to watch.
> 
> -I actually forgot the protagonist doesn't recognize Shido until the plot says so. It's only his voice that sounds vaguely familiar which triggers a headache. Had to go rewatch some clips then do a rewrite.
> 
> \- Of course my favorite confidant has a place in this story! Of course!!


	10. I Got Your Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Memorial Day!
> 
>  
> 
> Joker's (team and solo) victory screen animation never gets old.
> 
> ...
> 
> Before I thought the victory animation was just Joker waving his hand and then running off as the battle results are displayed. It wasn't until the 4th palace that I noticed Joker flicks his coattails back and THEN signals "let's go" to everyone. I blame the dark ambiance of the previous palaces. (・・；)

 Joker flicked his tailcoats back with his right hand and signaled “Let’s go, everyone!” with a wave of his left. Queen landed softly and shook out her right wrist before following him. Fox jutted his chin out in acknowledgement.

Noir saluted her teammates with her feathered cavalier hat. “Great work, everyone.”

“Okay, let’s keep going.” said Navi as she scanned the area.

The Phantom Thieves maneuvered around stacked crates and industrial shelves. Glaring fluorescent lights provided ample lighting for the spacious yet austere facility. Their shoes clacked on the monochrome tiles amidst the cacophony of whirring and clanking machinery. Around them holograms flashed “WORK! WORK! WORK!” in bright, bold font. The words rotated between English, hiragana, katakana, and furigana like a clock, reflecting the factory’s neverending work cycle.

Joker vaulted onto an elevated platform and surveyed the sterile environment, keeping a wary eye out for security drones. He sprinted across a catwalk and crouched behind a monitor. He held up his right hand and motioned for his party to fall back. A robot rolled up and down the passageway, completely oblivious to any impending security threats. He grinned like a Cheshire cat as he saw it approach his hiding spot. Quicker than sight, he backflipped into the air, landed on the flat of its dome top and pried off its mask.

“Three enemies. Don’t let your guard down!” called Navi.

Fox swiped off his mask. “Take this! Goemon!” Goemon froze the group of Girimehkala guarding the entrance. One stumbled onto its knees, crushed beneath its own weight and vaporized.

“One enemy crushed! Keep that up, Fox!”

The grotesque one-eyed elephant viciously stamped its foot on the concrete floor, unleashing a wave of dark aura, immobilizing Joker. He grunted and sank to his knees, breathing heavily. _Need to heal fast_. The other Shadow sprang towards Joker and swung its blade down.

“I WON’T LET YOU!!”

Queen darted in front of Joker and shoved him out of the way. There was a sickening crunch followed by a cry of pain and Queen crumpled on the ground.

“Queen’s down! Someone heal her!” cried Navi.

“Why you---! Captain Kidd!” Lightning bolts rained down on the Rebellious Elephant causing it to stagger.

Joker rolled over to his side. He gritted his teeth and pulled himself up. “Queen...”

“Take Queen!” shouted Panther as she switched in. “We’ll handle this! Carmen!”

“I owe you guys one.” Joker gathered her in his arms and hobbled over to a nearby barrier, ignoring the pain shooting up his leg. “Queen, hold on...”

“Joker...” She reached up and touched his face.

He grimaced. “Hey, just stay here and rest. I’ll have Mona heal you after-”

“Diarahan.” The last of her SP drained away. Darkness was starting to eat away at the corners of her eyes. She smiled faintly. “You better win...”

Her hand fell. Joker caught it in his own and pressed his forehead against hers. “I’ll be back. This won’t take long.” He set her down carefully then turned towards the battle with renewed vigor.

“Ravage them!”

***

Queen opened her eyes. Joker smiled down at her. His mask was up, his hair was mussy, and there was grime on his face. She smirked and put a hand on his cheek. Her thumb brushed away some of the grime. “Didn’t I just heal you?”

He smirked back. “Yeah, but we weren’t expecting a Slime invasion. You should’ve seen Skull. He was having the time of his life making them ‘go splodey’. Actually, that’s probably why we’re covered in crap. Panther’s probably chewing him out right now.”

She laughed. Joker embraced her tightly. It was good to hear her voice again.

“You’re so reckless.” he whispered. There was more relief in his voice than anger. Queen pressed her cheek against his collarbone and gripped his waistcoat. His hand came up and cradled her head.

“I wasn’t about to let our leader go down.” she murmured.

He drew back, gripping her upper arms and looked at her with a level gaze. “Still.” He paused, letting the word hang in the air before resuming. “I don’t want that to happen again.”

It frightened him. It was the first time anyone put themselves in harm’s way to protect him.

Queen saw consternation cross his face, she heard the worry in his voice. She felt his hands tremble very slightly against her arms. She was about to justify saving him the way she did, but when she saw the vulnerability in his eyes, she yielded. “Agreed. As team strategist, I’ll construct a plan that minimizes shielding you from fatal attacks if we’re ever in a situation like that again. We can discuss that during our next meeting.”

The corner of his mouth pulled. It was a good start that they could elaborate on later. Queen’s recovery came first. “Whoops, got some crud on you.” He plucked his white kerchief from his coat pocket and wiped her face. She stared at the kerchief.

“What is it?” he asked amused by Queen’s bemused expression.

“Well, it’s just, I’ve always wondered offhand whether or not your handkerchief was decorative or not.”

“And now we both know.”

“You mean you didn’t try to use it before?”

“There never exactly was an situation that called for a hankie in the Metaverse.” he said dangling it between their faces.

She smiled wryly. “I suppose.”

It then occurred to her that they were no longer taking refuge behind the steel barrier but were in some kind of storage closet. She saw rows of heavy duty shelves bearing several wooden crates that required a crowbar to open and boxes covered in tarp. There were a couple exhaust vents mounted on the walls, keeping the room well ventilated.

“Where are we by the way?” she asked.

“In a safe room.”

“And the others?”

“They’re in the outer part of the safe room. I...I asked them to give us some space.” Joker stood up with his back to her, and ran a hand through his hair, slipping his mask on at the same time. His mask hid his face but Queen could see the tips of his ears tinged with red.

“Oh. How...considerate. Of them. You. Both.” She was also turning red. She looked down and folded her hands into her lap.

From outside the room, angry squawks (and yowling) could be heard followed by placating pleas followed by a soft voice diplomatically pleading them to stop. Apparently Panther was still angry with Skull and Noir was attempting to remedy the situation. Mona was probably backing up Panther and insulting him at every chance he got. They didn’t hear Fox or Navi but more than likely he was drawing inspiration from the passionate fight while Navi probably rolled her eyes and occupied herself with her laptop.

Queen laughed softly to herself. _Sounds like everyone’s brimming with energy. Thank goodness._

Joker cleared his throat. “I wanted you to have a quiet place to recover and I didn’t want you to wake up in an unfamiliar place with no one around.” he continued to explain.

Queen couldn’t help but smile. She thought of the safe house she and Sae were temporarily accommodated with under witness protection shortly after their father was murdered. She remembered being scared and confused but Sae would lay next to her and stroke her head till she fell asleep. ‘ _Go to sleep, Makoto,_ ’ she said. ‘ _I’ll see you in the morning._ ’ But she would wake up bleary-eyed, seeing Sae either rising early or already gone to speak to the officers handling the situation. How long ago it all seemed now...

She crossed over to where Joker stood and kissed him soundly on the cheek.

“I’m sorry for making you worry. And thank you.”

Joker’s face became as red as his gloves. He stumbled over his words. “I, uh, well. Ahem. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

She tiptoed two fingers up his chest as her eyes trailed up his face sensually. “How many times have I woken up to being held by you like this?”

Joker gave a confident smile, linked his hands over the small of her back, and pulled her in.

His teeth glinted. “Too few.” His voice dropped a few octaves. “I could hold you like this forever.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “I wouldn’t mind that.”

They leaned closer. Joker slid his hands around her upper back. Queen’s lips parted and she was about to reach up to stroke his face when - a yowl pierced through the air jolting them out of their moment. They simultaneously jerked their heads towards the door.

Queen rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. “I think it’s time to intervene.”

Joker sighed. “We’ll continue this later.” He ruffled his coat and straightened his gloves.

He inclined his head towards the door. “After you.”

Joker opened the door.

“Alright guys, break it up...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -Huhuhu~ they're a lot more forward in the Metaverse, aren't they?
> 
> -Joker’s ebony, triple-tail coat is probably my favorite feature of his costume and makes him stand out as leader of the Phantom Thieves. I also like that the coat comes with a white kerchief which I believe is purely ornamental but if it were usable, I imagine Joker would wipe the smudges off Queen’s mask after battle or use it to polish his weapons.
> 
> -I love how their outfits compliment each other. Makoto’s summer outfit is my favorite out of all her outfits. Ren’s winter outfit is my favorite of his outfits.
> 
> -I appreciate the juxtaposition of the protagonist being the only one who wears Shujin’s uniform properly among his group of friends. Usually, the protagonist has to don accessories (or have a weird haircut/hair color) to stand out as the “main character”. The protagonist has neither of these characteristics, consistent with his mild-mannered exterior. What makes him stand out as the protagonist is that sharp look in his eye, masked by his glasses.
> 
> -Thank you to the kind people on youtube who put together a compilation of all the [special moves](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0AcuNE_uZA) in battle. Helped a bunch when describing combat scenes.
> 
> -I wish they also had Joker say "thanks" or something to his teammates whenever they manzai-slapped him out of his ailment-induced stupor. But I'll take the curt nod over no reaction I suppose.


	11. Black Coffee Badinage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I have fun playing with typographical emphasis in this chapter? 
> 
> Yes, _yes_ **I** _did_.

“It’s a headband.”

Ren and Makoto sat next to each other in Leblanc’s attic. They were supposed to be working on homework but Ren, for some reason started poking at her braid. Seeing that Ren would be unable to focus unless she appeased his curiosity, she relented.

“This? I mean I always assumed the braid was part of your hair. I’m surprised they make headbands that closely match the color of one’s hair.” Ren stretched Makoto’s headband between his thumbs and index fingers. He held it up to his face, closely scrutinizing it.

“Hey, don’t stretch it out too much.” She laughed at Ren’s puzzled expression. “Is my headband really that mysterious to you?”

“Only another piece to the mysterious puzzle that is Niijima Makoto-san.” He flashed an impish grin at her.

She smiled primly. _Clearly he’s procrastinating. You’re not getting me that easily._ “Right, I think our break’s been long enough. I thought you invited me over to study and help complete these questionnaires for the school festival - not to inspect hair accessories?”

She held out her hand. “Amamiya-kun, if you please.”

Ren placed her headband over the top of his head. “You think my hair would look neater if I wore this?”

“I think,” she said as she reached up and sank her hands into his hair. “It would just get lost in that mop top of yours.” She ruffled his hair vigorously.

“Okay, okay, I’ll give it back!” he laughed and grabbed both her wrists.

Her fingers stayed entangled in his curls. “Are you ready to start studying?”

“Yes, my Queen.”

“No more distractions.”

“I can’t guarantee that...” he muttered under his breath.

“Come on, Ren,” she sighed as she slipped her headband back into place. “We both have work we need to finish by tomorrow plus the others are coming in an hour or so.”

Ren checked his phone. “Make that two hours.”

Makoto scrolled through the chat. Ryuji somehow convinced Ann to go running with him and she went back home to shower and change clothes. Yusuke got carried away shopping for art supplies and missed his train but apparently found Futaba who was out looking for a “key item” for a game. Haru hadn’t replied yet. Makoto brought her index finger to her forehead and sighed. Everyone was so carefree. Then again, considering how everyone was so anxious at their last meeting, seeing them engage in their hobbies like normal was a welcome sight.

She smoothed her hair and straightened her skirt and halter vest. She put her hands to her chest and inhaled through her nose and exhaled slowly out her mouth. “Okay. I’m going to get these assignments done within the hour. Then we can set up for our strategy meeting. And _you_ ,” she said pointing her pencil at Ren, “better concentrate as well.”

The honor student was in work-mode and would be for the next foreseeable hour. Ren knew better than to interrupt her. He adjusted his school blazer hanging on the back of his chair, flipped open his biology textbook and began to read.

“Wow, if only Joker was that compliant when it’s time for bed.” meowed Morgana. He had just come in through the attic vent.

“Morgana, not now.” Ren hissed. He jerked his head towards Makoto. She was writing at a furious pace, her eyes laser-focused on the paper before her. Her pencil blazed across the page and down each row, making Morgana wonder offhand if the paper would catch on fire.

Morgana also knew the consequences of disturbing their team strategist when she was engrossed in work. He quietly excused himself and retreated downstairs.

 

An hour passed and Makoto had gotten through three-quarters of assorted assignments. She yawned and teetered back and forth. Her eyelids were getting heavy. She slapped her cheeks and shook her head. _You mustn’t fall asleep! Not yet! You need to finish this_. She stood up, palms flat against the table.

“I’m going to step out for a bit. Get some fresh air.”

Ren set down the pencil he was idly twirling in his fingers.

“Hey, Makoto.” He caught her wrist. “Why don’t you lie down for a bit?”

“I’m fine,” she yawned again. “I just need to go outside...”

She stumbled forward and crash landed into his chest. Ren managed to land both of them on the sofa. He was half-sitting, half-leaning on the back of the sofa with Makoto sprawled across his chest.

“C’mon, a short nap won’t hurt. And I don’t think you’ll be getting much work done seeing how tired you are.”

“I can’t,” she protested. She tried to push herself off him but the heat emanating from his chest was _very_ inviting and the weight of his arm over her back was like a blanket lulling her to sleep. “The deadline’s tomorrow morning and there’s still so much...”

“How about just fifteen minutes? Actually, I just read in my biology textbook that a fifteen minute nap can give you a ‘burst of alertness and increased motor performance.’” he recited.

She stopped and narrowed her eyes, considering it. Her body was succumbing to fatigue, the last of her resistance had worn away. “Wake me in ten if I don’t...” she mumbled groggily and nodded off.

Ren released the breath he was holding and looked down at her. He brushed a strand of hair that had fallen across one of her eyelids and lightly ran his fingertips down the side of her face. “You’re so pale...” he whispered.

How many nights had she stayed up working on various reports and projects on top of preparing for college entrance exams? How many long-winded meetings did she have to attend with the student council regarding budgeting, committee reports, and club activities? She was already spread out so thin between the teachers and students depending on her, yet somehow Makoto managed to make time for the Phantom Thieves.

Ren studied the Star Stickers that studded the ceiling as he contemplated these things, then considered preparing coffee while she slept. _I should let her rest more comfortably now._ He attempted to move her off him and onto the sofa but Makoto made a protesting noise and wrapped her arms tightly around him. His voice caught in his throat and heat rushed to his face. _Okay then. I guess I’m not going anywhere_...

Morgana poked his head around the stairwell. “I thought it was a little too quiet up here.” Ren put a finger to his lips. Morgana padded over, canines gleaming. “Are you stuck?”

Ren rolled his eyes. “Not on purpose...and I don’t want to risk waking her.”

Morgana looked over at Makoto and batted his ear. “Makoto must be working really hard. She looks like she hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in days.”

“Yeah, hardest worker I know.” He smiled fondly. “I just want her to get some rest. Even if it’s for a little while. She’s been really tense lately.”

And no wonder. Her sister’s temperament had changed drastically after being personally assigned to catch the Phantom Thieves. On the uncompromising prosecutor’s orders, the police invaded Shujin Academy, interrogating each student one by one. Sae had abandoned her sense of justice in favor of ruthless victories.

Morgana hopped on the bed and dragged a throw blanket over to Ren. “Thanks, Morgana.” he whispered, petting his head.

“You know, she seems to be able to relax when she’s with you. Maybe that’s why she’s clinging on to you like you’re her stuffed panda.” Ren turned his head away, cheeks flaming. Morgana couldn’t help but snicker. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye out for Ann-dono and the others.” He turned and left.

Ren spread the blanket as delicately as he could over her back. He switched his phone to silent, slid down flat against the sofa, and closed his eyes. _Just for a bit._

* * *

Makoto woke up exactly thirty minutes later feeling very cozy and refreshed until she realized she had fallen asleep on Ren. His arms rested across her back and his chest rose and fell at an even pace. Makoto’s heart hammered furiously. _Oh no, when did...?_ She groaned inwardly. _I hope he doesn’t mind._ She inched forward to look at his sleeping face and giggled quietly to herself. _Your eyelashes are so long. Oh, and your glasses are lopsided._ She reached out to touch his face but then --- Ren’s eyes cracked open. His mouth split into a mischievous grin.

“Gotcha.”

 

From downstairs in Leblanc’s kitchen, Sojiro heard a loud thump. He shook his head wearily.

_Kids._

And resumed his curry stirring.

 

“Ow, _ow_ , **ow**! Makoto, wait! I’m sorry! Let go please, before you break my arm?”

Ren was on his stomach, pinned beneath Makoto and she had him in an armlock. Her face was beet red. A piece of paper fluttered in front of her face and landed on top of Ren’s head. Their unexpected tussle caused them to bump into the table, scattering paperwork all over the floor.

“Don’t **_scare_ **me like that!!” Her thoughts were in a frenzy and in her flustered state, came out in a rush.

“It was just supposed to be a short nap! Not only did I sleep longer than I should have, I was l-l-lying on top of you. Y-you could’ve just pushed me off. Why didn’t you wake me?!”

“I mean, I thought both of us could use a break and those frown lines between your eyebrows finally smoothed themselves out - _yow_!”

Her hold on him tightened.

“No, wait, think about it! Don’t you feel more energized than before? Besides, you’re the one who clung on to _me_!”

She dropped his arm. “I...I did?”

He sat up, slipping one of his suspenders back in place and massaged his shoulder socket. “Yep. Like a little koala or a -”

She held her hand up an inch away from his nose, face heavy with embarrassment. “Okay, I get it.”

He closed his mouth and sat back on his heels. She withdrew her hand and began gathering the sheets of paper on the ground. Ren joined her. When they both reached for the same sheet, Makoto’s hand twitched. Ren craned his neck as if he was examining her face.

“You’re looking more awake than before but maybe,” he said as he slid a hand over hers. “You could use a little more help?” He glanced at her lips.

She leaned away from him as casually as she could, trying to be as nonchalant and coherent as possible, but Ren’s face in close proximity was _really_ testing the limits of her blushing threshold. “I --- No. That won’t be necessary. I think I’ve had enough from earlier.” She gave him what was probably an awkward smile.

“I was talking about coffee.”

His face was perfectly serious. Makoto felt heat rise from her chest to her cheeks. She felt foolish for misinterpreting his words, but then she saw the corners of his mouth twitch and form a teasing smile.

“You’re so---!!” She let out an exasperated sigh and shoved his chest. His grin grew wider by the minute. She brought her head down onto his shoulder and burst into laughter. Then Ren started laughing. The attic rang with the sounds of their laughter, merry and bright.

“So, what’ll it be?” he murmured into her ear.

“Salvadoran Pacamara?”

“Daring today, aren’t we?”

“I’m trying to be like you.” she said mimicking his trademark smirk.

He kissed her brow. “Coming right up, Your Highness.”

He rose and sauntered down the stairs with a huge grin on his face, leaving Makoto alone with her frazzled thoughts and a paper strewn room.

“Why is it always so messy in here...” she groaned and began to clean up. She pulled five more chairs over to the table. The rest of the group would arrive in about ten minutes or less.

***

“Thanks for helping me clean up.” Ren stacked the chairs and bagged the trash.

“It’s no problem. I’m happy to help.” Makoto cleared the table and stacked the cups.

“I’ll take those downstairs.” He grabbed the tower of cups. “I’m gonna dump this too. Be right back.” He went downstairs, balancing the cups in one hand and the trash bag in the other. Makoto looked around and spotted the potted plant next to the Shumai Cushion. Some of the leaves were turning brown. She plucked them off, fetched the spray bottle, and spritzed the plant from its trunk to its outstretched leaves. Ren came back up the stairs drying his hands on his shirt.

“Hey,” he took the spray bottle out of her hands and set it down on the shelf. “I can do that. You go pack your stuff. I’ll walk you to the station.”

“Okay. Thank you.” She smiled tiredly. “Thanks for always walking me back.”

“Sure. And also,” he laid a hand on her cheek. She leaned into it. “Get some rest as soon as you get back home.”

“Yes. I will.” She clutched his wrist and stroked the back of his hand with her thumb. “We still have some time, don’t we?”

As soon as those words passed through her mouth, the bustling noises and murmurings from below seemed to fade away.

His eyebrows raised a fraction and his gaze drifted towards the ground. His hair fell over his eyes and he appeared to be mulling over something. Headlights from a passing car swept over the room and his lenses, concealing his eyes. The moment the light passed, he raised his head and all that was reflected in his eyes was her, Makoto Niijima.

Ren removed his glasses and leaned down.

Their lips met, unhurried and with care. Makoto held still, allowing herself to get lost in the sweetness of it all. Ren let his lips linger momentarily on Makoto’s before withdrawing. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked serene. Her fingers traced his temples, along the perimeter of his jaw and down his chin. He took her hands into his own and tenderly kissed her fingertips. His eyes filled with adoration. Makoto looked up at him affectionately and smiled.

Then he drew her into a deep embrace, running a hand down the length of her back. He gently stroked her face with his knuckles. She reached up, sliding her palms past his cheeks, cradling the back of his head. Their lips met again, this time more fervent. For a while the two registered nothing but the feeling of each other’s touch, relishing the warmth and the exhilarating sensations that came with each loving caress, each supple kiss. Their breaths came in short gasps till finally, they separated, gazing into each other’s eyes.

“Ren.”

She whispered his name contentedly. She slid her hands from his neck and down his blazer, smoothing the lapels. His heart stirred with delight knowing she would only call his name like that.

Ren bumped his forehead against hers.

“Text me when you get home?”

“Of course.”

 

They walked through the backstreets, hand in hand. Makoto hugged his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. When they reached the station, they waited by one of the pillars side by side, half-hoping the train would arrive later than normal. But then they heard the rails rumble and saw the train's enormous headlights illuminate the subway tunnels as it screeched to a halt.

Makoto smiled a silent goodbye. No words were needed. Ren merely nodded and slowly they parted hands, first releasing the fingers then sliding their palms across the other’s, down their fingers, stopping right at the fingertips. Their fingertips stayed hooked together for a moment till Ren released them with a dip of his wrist. Their eyes never left the other’s face even after the train doors closed, even as the train pulled away into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -Makoto’s braid is actually a headband according to the artbook. I expected it to be a headband or she has a lock of hair longer than her chin-length hair cut or just chalk it up to impossible anime hair physics. Like how Saber’s shoulder length hair is able to make a bun with a braid wrapped around it. No way, if you want a bun that large and still have enough hair for a braid to wrap around the bun, it should be at least waist length.
> 
> -Makoala! If you’re curious, the other animal Ren was about to compare Makoto to was a baby panda. Seriously, have you seen baby pandas cling on to zoo workers legs? So cute!
> 
> -Chinatown date happened. Planetarium happened.
> 
> -Originally I had Makoto give the attic plant fertilizer then Ren takes the fertilizer bag from her. Then the readers would go, “Oh look, the author’s trying to make a joke about Makoto stealing his Kindness points, har har we get it.”  
> Then I realized while proofreading, he kisses her hands and she hasn’t had a chance to wash them. I mean, he still would kiss them but that’s still kinda gross. So I switched their tasks around.
> 
> -I had [La valse d'Amélie (Version piano)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbdhCOIPm5g) and Steve Conte and Maaya Sakamoto's [The Garden of Everything](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCS2DHUqwjI) and anything by Yann Tiersen in general on loop while writing this chapter.
> 
> -Ren and Makoto letting go of each other’s hands at the train station was inspired by Chihiro and Haku’s final goodbye.


	12. Sunset Bridge Promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Sunset Bridge](https://youtu.be/MuI1M5ffRHM) \- one of my favorite tracks for all the emotional weight behind it, especially when it's time to say farewell to your Confidants. You see how far they've come, all the ways you helped them and how they helped you in return.

Makoto had sorted a tall stack of papers into three neat piles when she heard two knocks followed by the sound of the door to the Student Council room slide open.

“Hey, Makoto.” Ren stepped in, pulled out one of the chairs, and set his bag on it.

“Hi, glad you could make it. It’s pretty chilly, huh?” she greeted. She rubbed her hands together and looked at the stack of papers waiting to be sorted and signed. Ren quickly looked around to make sure no one was coming then in one smooth motion, he doffed his blazer and put it around her shoulders, hugging her to him.

“R-Ren! Wait! W-we’re being too conspicuous!”

“Just for a bit. No one’s coming, don’t worry.”

She lightly rested her hands on his chest. “Fine...ten seconds.”

“Okay.” he said, laughing quietly into her hair.

She leaned into his chest soaking in his warmth. Ten seconds passed and neither one wanted to let go. She wrapped her arms around his waist. _Maybe another ten seconds~_

But then she heard footsteps approaching. Ren reacted faster. He released her, turned, and pretended to look out the window. She immediately sat down with his jacket still on her shoulders, as if she was fixated on the paperwork piled on the desk. Two female students walked by discussing the latest exam questions. After they passed, Makoto got up and handed Ren’s blazer back to him.

“Thanks for that.” Her cheeks were still red. Ren took his blazer with one hand and clasped hers with his other.

“Your hands are still cold.” he said in a matter-of-fact manner but his eyes sparked mischief. “Shall I keep holding them till they’re warm?”

“That’s because y-you’re making all the heat go to my face!” she exclaimed, turning a brighter shade of red. She pulled her hand out of his grasp and turned towards the desk.

“Besides, I’ve got to get this done by the end of today.”

Truthfully, she wanted him to but if he did, she knew her mind would turn all fuzzy and work would be next to impossible.

She picked up her pen then paused. “But m-maybe later...” she mumbled.

“Alright.” he said with an amused smile. He sat across from her and began to review his notes.

Makoto filled out forms and reviewed applications at an even pace. It was monotonous busy work, left naturally to the student council president, and deemed necessary for the school’s approval process. Ren’s quiet presence motivated her to complete her work faster. She stole a glance at him from time to time, happy he was by her side.

Ren laughed silently. She was never good at being sneaky. Even without looking, he knew when her eyes were on him. About the twentieth time Makoto snuck a glance at him (that he, in slight boredom was keeping track of), he locked eyes with her and asked if she wanted to take a quick break. She jumped and stammered that she was fine and that he was welcome to step out if needed.

One hour passed, largely uneventful, allowing Makoto to concentrate on her work. Their study time was briefly interrupted by one of the student council members and her boyfriend coming in to grab some items from the lockers. They seemed surprised to see the delinquent transfer student earnestly studying but refrained from saying anything. When they stopped and stared at him, Makoto addressed them coolly, inquiring if they had any more business in the room. They wilted under her gaze, politely excused themselves, and hurried out the door.

Ren smiled at her in thanks and Makoto responded with a small smirk and tossed her hair back before turning her attention back to her paperwork.

Ren finished reviewing his lecture notes and went to use the restroom just as the student council vice president burst in with a laundry list of questions for the student council president. When he returned, the vice president was discussing new ideas for the school board. He could hear Makoto pointing out the pros and cons of each topic. Ren waited outside patiently, scrolling through his messages.

_Let’s see. Rooftop garden? Oh, right. Haru’s planters. The Sun Tomatoes should be ready to harvest. What else? I need to help Yusuke with his art competition and his quest for “aesthetics”. Futaba wants to work on the next item on her promise list soon. And - huh? What’s that?_

A panicked text from Mishima blared red with a dozen exclamation marks following it. It was something about a weird but cute girl he met at the arcade and how he wanted to impress her with “exclusive info” on the Phantom Thieves but wound up digging himself into a hole. He grunted and swiped up.

As he set the ringer to “silent”, the door to the student council room opened and the vice president flew past him, hauling three folders worth of completed forms.

He poked his head in and saw Makoto extending her arms and stretching her rhomboids.

“Welcome back.” she said, moving on to an overhead triceps stretch.

“I’m back.” he replied, mimicking her movements. _Ooh, that’s nice. I need to stretch more._

They mirrored each other which made her grin. “That was considerate of you to wait outside, but you didn’t have to.”

“I didn’t mind.” He smirked and stretched his obliques. “Sounds like you had a productive discussion.”

“Yes. Although that’s what we’ll be covering at length during the next board meeting...”

He sat down and carefully rolled his neck. “How much more?”

“There’s just the weekly agenda and a couple budget reports that require a little editing. I should be done soon.”

Makoto tucked her hair back. “This took a little longer than expected. I appreciate you for being so patient, waiting for me.” she said while mentally calculating the sums and figures before her.

He wanted to sweep her up in his arms and kiss her. But he wasn’t going to interrupt her. Not when she was so close to being done.

He merely responded, “No problem.” And since he had some free time, he got through two chapters of Buchiko’s Story.

 

Makoto lifted a stack of papers vertically and lightly tapped them against the table, aligning the edges. She repeated the process for four other stacks then laid them on the desk in a row, nice and neat. She stepped back to admire her handiwork. Ren racked his brain, trying to think of the word for aligning piled sheets of paper by hitting them on a flat surface. He gave up, deciding he would google it later.

She packed up her pens and pencils and zipped up her Buchimaru-kun pencil case. “Finished. Shall we walk home together?”

***

They passed through a sleepy residential area. Ren offered his hand and Makoto took it with a smile.

She linked their fingers together and playfully swung his hand. “Say, when did you realize you liked me?”

He brought his thumb and index finger to his chin and tilted his head skyward. “It was love at first sight when I noticed the lovely student council president was ' _investigating’_ me.”

She sputtered. “Look, I’m sorry I did that! You know why I did. Wait - you’re just teasing me!!”

“I’d say it was around the time you confronted Eiko. That slap of yours worked wonders.” he chuckled.

She was starting to regret asking him such an impulsive question. “You’re never going to let me live down my most humiliating moments, are you?”

“No, wait! I know for sure it was when we were looking for Futaba at Sojiro’s house when the lights went out and you clung on to me---.”

“Geez!” She let go of his hand and smacked him on the shoulder. “I’m seriously asking!”

“Seriously, huh? Alright then.” With a devilish grin, he grabbed her and pulled her close. One arm snaked around her waist and the other tilted her face towards him. He towered over her, staring into her eyes. In a low voice he said, “The moment I fell for you was...”

Makoto squeaked. Her lower lip trembled as she tried to speak. Her face and ears fluctuated between varying shades of scarlet and crimson.

 _Adorable. She’s too adorable._ He blinked and felt his face grow hot.

Ren suddenly released her but kept one hand on her shoulder keeping her steady. He turned away and coughed nervously into his fist. “...I...I forget.”

A minute went by and they both stood in silence trying to collect themselves. Makoto couldn’t even bring herself to retort in mock anger. The blush in her cheeks slowly faded but her ears remained bright red.

“Uh, Makoto?” She was frozen. “Makoto, can you hear me?”

She nodded robotically. He smiled in relief. “Good. Um, I’m- I’m sorry. I went too far.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “How about I get us something to drink? But we should probably find somewhere to sit first.”

 

They came to a neighborhood park surrounded by a mix of ginkgo trees and recently pruned shrubs, sloped grassy hills perfect for playing tag, and a patch of sand that contained a small playground and a freshly painted jungle gym in the shape of an arched blue and yellow double helix. The metal slide and swings looked sturdy despite their weather-beaten appearance. Ren imagined they had seen good use by the locals who were now grandparents, their children, and their children’s children for decades. He almost went for the swings if not for Makoto, who walked past him stiffly and dropped down on a curved granite bench that was built into the stone wall.

He set his bag down next to hers. “Be right back.”

She tugged at his sleeve. He looked back. Wordlessly, she pressed two 500 yen coins into his hand. He sighed softly. He loved the way she always tried to help. “Thanks.”

He returned, bearing an Earl Green for the health-conscious Makoto and a 1UP for himself.

They sat close together quietly sipping their drinks. Ren finished his drink first and tried balancing the bottle on tip of his fingers. He glanced at Makoto who seemed lost in thought. He looked at his shoes and toyed with his bangs. “To answer your question, I honestly can’t name the exact moment. I just know I was irked seeing those sleazy hosts trying to drag you into their shop back when we were trying to help your friend. And when her crap boyfriend tried to threaten you, I got angry. I knew you could take him but he was gonna have to go through me first.”

Makoto lowered her eyelashes, smiling at the memory. How gallant Ren was stepping in, ready to defend her. " _Your fight’s with me._ ” That day, his words lingered dreamily in her ear and she continued to carry those words in her heart.

“Yes, I remember. I was really surprised. You were only supposed to be my pretend-boyfriend at the time but you still stood up for me.”

“I’m just glad he didn’t call any of his buddies. That would’ve been bad.”

“And you got us out of there. If you hadn’t reacted so quickly we would’ve caused a scene.” She adopted The Thinker’s pose and gave him a coy smile. “So all of that wasn’t just an act for you back then.”

“What do you think?”

She gave a low chuckle and nudged his elbow with hers.

The silence returned but the atmosphere between them was more relaxed. She rested her head on his shoulder and looked wistfully at the spindles of light refracting through the ginkgo trees. The air was warm and still. Time seemed to slow to a halt and it was as if they were they only two people in the world.

“I love you.”

Ren blinked rapidly several times and nearly dropped his drink. A slow blush crept across his face. He felt his heart swell within his chest. _I’m happy. I’m actually happy._ It felt strange to acknowledge this feeling. He thought he would spend a year on probation quietly stewing in bitterness and resentment, under the scrutiny of his peers and adults. He had planned on keeping to himself, never expecting anyone to give him a chance, but now?

He looked at Makoto in wonder.

Was it possible for one person to give him this much joy?

Yet there she was, right at his side. The girl who faced him with unwavering eyes, who saw past the mask and the labels society placed on him. The girl who placed her trust in him and confided in him both in battle and her own troubles. The girl he never wanted to turn his back on nor ever see hurt.

Makoto looked directly into his eyes. “That’s why, Ren, no matter what we face next, no matter what comes our way, I’ll stand by your side. I want to be with you.” There was strength in her voice and resolve in her eyes.

The sun began to set through low foreboding clouds and for a brief moment, the glow of the sunset bathed them in a strange red light. Perhaps it was just a trick of the light or perhaps it was a harbinger of something supernatural.

Ren took both her hands in his. “I’m counting on you, Queen.”

She smiled warmly. “Likewise, Joker.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Afterword: After their “Sunset Bridge Promise”, Ren continues to hold Makoto’s hands till they reach the same temperature as his. She in turn, leans forward and rests her head against his chest and he nuzzles his nose in her hair.
> 
> Author's Notes/Ramblings:
> 
> -Final lines: “よろしくな, クイーン.”| “こちらこそ, ジョーカー.”  
> \- "Yoroshiku na, Queen."|"Kochirakoso, Joker."
> 
> -Originally I was going to have two female students gab about frivolous gossip but I think we already see enough of that in the game. Let’s see some diligent students instead!
> 
> -The term Ren’s thinking of is “jogging papers” by the way.  
> I spent way too long trying to think of that term before finally googling it.
> 
> -Ren ignoring Mishima’s text in this chapter was inspired by Ren getting back at Mishima for ditching him during Operation Maidwatch in P5A. One of the funniest moments in the anime especially because it’s Daisuke Sakaguchi AKA Shinpachi Shimura AKA Gintama’s greatest tsukkomer.
> 
> -I realize "that slap of yours worked wonders" is the answer that nets you less points, but it still cracks me up.
> 
> -For such a serious(ly cheesy) sounding title, this fic has a lot of fluff in it, huh? Although, the main story was Makoto (and Ren) moving past their own darkness and facing it together. I actually came up with about five chapters of the main story, ending with the confession but I kept thinking of more scenarios for our lovely couple. In the words of Edna Mode, “And it turned out so _beautiful!_! I, I had to continue!”


End file.
